Lessons from Below

As my son said, there is no age limit in learning. No matter what age you are, you can continue learning. In fact, learning should not stop after school graduation. I would like to add to that by saying, learning can happen everywhere; even when you are at the pit or your low point in life. Learning from below is actually, in my opinion, the best way to learn. Whatever you learn when you are at the lowest point in your life will be remembered better. It will leave a mark. Lessons learned from hitting an emotional and spiritual wall is painstaking and because of that these lessons are immortalized, cemented, ingrained in your heart and mind. Admit it or not, these situations and lessons have made you a better person.

Following are some of the lessons I’ve learned when I was at my emotional low.

You will find out who are your friends.

You are not at your best when you have problems - you sometimes can be rude and unreasonable. Only your true friends will understand your situation and your attitude and action. Your real friends will put up with you. The rest will take the exit door and forget they ever knew you.

Don’t just rely on others for help; help yourself.

Normally, we seek the help of other people when we encounter issues in our life.  We go to our family and friends to lift us out of the despair. But one thing I’ve learned is that when you are in an emotional pit, the best person and only person who can get you out of that pit is you. Sure, your family and friends can boost your morale but only you can deny or accept the emotional lift. So when you face an emotional low in your life, decide to get out of it; help yourself.

Get organized.

When you are at an emotional low of your life, it will help a lot if you get things in order and organized. Unclutter your environment; organize things at home and your finances. Doing so will help you reduce the number of things that occupy your mind. Having a physically orderly house also helps your mind to think neat and clean, helping you get out of your emotional low feeling. A clean and orderly house calms your mind and heart; it reduces stress.

Review your passion and priorities.

One of the best antidotes for an emotional low life is to revisit your passion and set your priorities. However, you need to simplify these to avoid being pressured. Learn to be contented with the simple things of life. This will surely lift you from your emotional low.

Focus at the end of the rainbow.

After the storm comes a rainbow. This is true if you set your heart into looking in the future with hope. Life is a journey and every journey has its lows and highs. There is no way but up after an emotional low. Focus to reaching your emotional high.

You become fearless after your emotional low episode.

After surviving your emotional low, you will have the ability to move forward when hit again by another problem in life. Experience is the best teacher. Your experience during your first emotional low may have been a slow walk or you may have even crawled your way away from the pit. On your next episode of an emotional low, it will be a walk in the park; you will be fearless and more adventurous in taking on the opportunities and challenges of life’s journey.

Words of Wisdom from Jack Ma

Jack Ma is the Bill Gates of Asia; he is a business magnate and a philanthropist. He is the founder and executive chairman of Alibaba Group, a conglomerate of internet based businesses. Jack Ma at present is the richest person in China.

1.   The world is changing every day.

Jack Ma said, "Please tell your children that the world is changing every day and no one is going to wait for you in the past. When the lighter was invented, matches slowly disappeared. When the calculator was created, abacus faded away. When digital camera was designed, the market for negative films dwindled. When direct market selling/internet-based selling arose, traditional marketing declined. When Smartphone with 4G (wireless internet access) was introduced to the world, you no longer need to turn on your computer at home. When WeChat and WhatsApp (mobile text/voice/video messaging) were developed, traditional text messaging became less popular as before. Let's not blame, ‘Who took over whose business.’ This happened only because people are more adjustable and adaptable to new ideas and changes in the world.”

The world keeps changing every day; I am inclined to believe that it is changing very fast in this generation that it did in the past.  I looked up to the owner of a local buy and sell tabloid because he ingeniously conceived the idea of printing his tabloid and giving it away to any takers. He earns from the advertisements from companies and individuals who would like to get their products and services to the reading public. Unfortunately, he did not respond to the threat of the internet. Instead of putting up a website to house the ads of his customers, he fought by discounting the cost of the advertisements. Soon, his business went into demise because people would rather go to the internet than read his paper. Enterprising businessmen reinvented his idea. Instead of a tabloid, they put up a website. This original buy and sell businessman could have survived the change if he transformed his idea and used a new platform. Instead of reacting and decreasing the cost of ad space, he could have transferred his business to the internet. He has already built the brand and has existing customers (advertisers and readers) while the new businessmen were just starting from scratch.

We must be sensitive to change and adapt to it very fast. Otherwise, we will find ourselves left out and our business will die.

2.   Don’t just watch.

Someone asked Jack Ma, "What is your secret for success?" He said, "Really simple...I am doing (action) while you're only watching."

Sometimes the best solution requires only a simple answer – do it; implement it. Don’t just watch the successful people get more success; work to achieve your own success. As soon as you have figured out what needs to be done, implement it immediately. Otherwise, someone else will do it.

3.   The most liked idea may not be a good idea.

I read that when Jack Ma does a brain storming session with his team, he does not get the idea that most of his team mates will vote on. He reasons that if most of the people want this idea then it is most likely that other businessmen are thinking of the same idea.

I hope these thoughts will help you as you evaluate your business and the challenges for 2016.

Have a Merry Christmas and a Prosperous New Year.

Persevere

Life on earth is a journey – it is short and can be unfair. Even when you feel mired in fear and sadness, you can persevere. Do not sulk into depression like lunatics do. You are not a lunatic, so don’t act like one. Life has different seasons. Don’t sit around and wait for the storm to be over. Do something productive during the storm; if that is not possible, at least think of what you can learn from the storm. You’ve got to learn how to dance in the rain.

Keep Busy

Frustration, desperation, and depression can lead to suicidal thoughts. You just want the pain, the hurt, and the negative feelings to dissipate so you think of intoxication and even fantasize of death. Don’t let this thought take over your mind.  To avoid thinking about these negative ideas, keep yourself busy. Think of the things that excite you so you can create a hobby or sports. Think of “do-it-yourself” gift projects for your kids, new ways to spend vacation without spending a lot of money; learn a new language, etc. Think of ways you can do to keep your mind from anxiety; keep busy and keep your brain occupied.

Monitor Your Mood
What triggers your anxiety? Monitor when your mood changes from happy to frustration. Do you feel irritated when you don’t get things done the way you want them to be done? Do you feel angry and blame people around you? Identify these mood swings and find a solution. For me the best correction to a negative mood swing behavior is to find peace in a quiet time of conversation with God.

Talk About It
If you can’t find someone to talk about what you are feeling, write it down. Sometimes, I would go to the internet and look for forums where I can talk about what I feel without worry of being found out. Just a word of caution, though, be very choosy should others reply with advice on your concerns.

Give Yourself a Pep Talk
Tell yourself “I will get better” several times until the feeling of anxiety disappears. Breathe deeply while speaking these words loudly. Put your arms across your chest; physically embracing and loving yourself.

You Are Not Alone
Though there is still the stigma against depressed people; it is more “natural” now than it was 50 years ago. More people can identify with you and more people have experienced being in the same situation and they have survived. They were able to overcome the frustration and they persevered, so can you. Some were homeless, jobless, divorced, hospitalized, yet they overcame these setbacks; they survived. You are no different; you too can persevere.

List Down Your Reasons for Persevering
My kids occupy the top of my list.  They are my more than enough reasons to get up and keep trying. I want to give them a better life, a better future and that makes me shake up my evil thoughts and invite good vibes to come into my life.

Disappointment

I am Ms. Planner. I plan a lot because I believe in the saying that the person who fails to plan, plans to fail. However, with the plans come disappointments. Making a plan is not an assurance that you will not fail… that you will not be disappointed. No human being has been spared of disappointment; disappointment is a fact of life. I admit it; I have had my share of severe disappointments that if I was not able to overcome could have devastated me and ruined my life. Actually, for a while my severe disappointment did take a toll on me. But thanks to my support system, I was able to see through that disappointment.

Just recently, I felt that I am on the road of disappointment again. I was so frustrated of my son’s lack of focus on his career. I am so afraid that if he doesn’t find the right path, it will destroy his entire life. I guess mothers fear more when the future of their kids is at stake.  

Today, I would like to share with you some tips on how to overcome disappointment.  This is my way of talking to myself and get that healing in the process.

Disappoint happens to everyone.
You are not alone. You may not know it but your neighbor could have or is suffering more disappointment than you are now experiencing. They have had losses and setbacks. Throw a pity party but don’t stay too long in the party. Grieve over your disappointment but get up and forgive those who have disappointed you and forgive yourself.

Do not compare yourself with other people.
When I look back and try to understand the root cause of my disappointment, I realize that my disappointment is more of pride. I compare myself to friends and family who I think are better off than me - have better spouses/partners, better off financially, better family, etc. I fail to count my blessings and accept that we are all unique individuals and lead different lives. Comparing yourself with other people will only increase your disappointment and decrease your contentment.

Change your focus.
Count your blessings and not your disappointments. You will be surprised to find out that you have more blessings than disappointments. Do not focus on the negative. You can’t turn back the hands of time but you can flip the chart to make your success story. Write down your feelings and be honest; be brutally honest. Vent if you have to because it is important to work through the emotions you are experiencing. Don’t hold back your emotions but be very choosy on whom to show your rant. If you can’t find a confidant who will help you and listen to you, it is better to just write your feelings. After ranting, focus on the positives. Recount them to your friend and write them down. This will help you keep your focus on the positive side of any disappointment.

When you fall down, pick yourself up and move forward.
Author Les Brown said, “Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.” It does not matter where you fell and how hard you fell; what is important is that you stood up, brushed yourself and moved on. Learn from your mistake.

Sometimes you need to adjust your expectations.
Moms always have high hopes for their children. Sometimes our children have different dreams and plans; probably such dreams are of a different level than yours.  Learn to accept and adjust your expectations.  After doing your best, be contented with the outcome. What is important is that you did your best. Be thankful and celebrate your achievements regardless of how small or big they are.

Dream again.

You may not have reached what you wanted but that should not stop you from dreaming again. Keep on dreaming and planning for what you believe is a good life. If you did not reach it through road 1, try another path; try another approach.

Never let disappointment derail you life. Do not crouch on disappointments because if you do, it could ruin your life. Accept disappointments to foolproof your life with happiness.