Handle Failure

I haven’t heard of any person who has not had a taste of a single failure in life; we all succumb to mistakes.  The difference between successful people and ordinary people is how they handle failure.  There are people who handle failure so well. They may feel sad; they may cry and feel sorry for themselves.  They may be demotivated and may even be depressed.  But this situation they are in will last only for a short while.  They quickly recover.
 

We all agree that we need to triumph over failures; but still majority of us finds handling failures a challenge. I am reminded by a quote from Winston Churchill "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."  

How should we handle failure?  How do we get the courage to press on?  It all starts with having a different perspective.

We need to understand that failure is a fertile training ground.  You may fail at your first attempt in putting up a business.  You may have lost a lot of money and it has become difficult to get up.  Whatever happened, you need to get up.  You need to analyse and review what went wrong.  Look for the gold nuggets from your failure.  Using your failure as a lesson, think of different techniques and tactics.  Probably, you should start small the next time you put up a business.  Starting small may create a smaller profit but return on investment is realised sooner.   Start small and grow your business at a steady pace until you feel comfortable at investing more and earning more.  Test different ways to market your product or service.  Each failure trains you to be stronger, better and more experienced than before. Failure is a fertile training ground that improves your skill, knowledge and your personality.

Failure is a normal occurrence. As I said, I have yet to find a person who has not had a single failure in his or her life.  The pain of failure becomes more intense if we wallow in it; if we keep thinking about it and feeling sorry for ourselves.  It is okay to have a pity party but keep it short.  Use that pity party to think of what happened – what you should have done to avoid the failure and what you should now do to turn the failure into success. Start counting your blessings.  Stop thinking that you are the only person suffering failure. Remember that all people experience failure. 

Failure is a temporary setback. It is not permanent as long as you take action in handling failure properly.  Do not dwell in the pains of the past. Every day is a new day; a new start.  Be hopeful.  A positive attitude will help you to think clearly and constructively to create a new beginning towards success. 

 

Face failure; handle failure with the courage to get up and try again.

Boxing Wisdom

I love to play golf although some people find it silly.  Silly because you hit the ball and then you run after it.  There is another sport that some people find silly, and that is boxing.  Some people can’t comprehend why hitting someone in the face can be enjoyable to watch.  Silly or not, this sport has given us exceptional personalities whose power impacts our lives.  One of these powerful individuals is Muhammad Ali.

Muhammad Ali exudes a presence that is felt by those who come into direct contact with him and experienced by those who hear him speak.  He speaks a lot, in and out of the ring. He inspires and changes lives with his wisdom.  Ali fights not just on the ring.  His fight is a fight for life, for equality and a fight to make a difference.  

Following are some of my favorite Ali quotes that have spoken so much to me and have been my inspirations.

“The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.”   Our world is more challenging now than it was during the time of our parents.  We need to keep evolving … evolving our businesses; otherwise, your business will cease to exist.  Our parents did not imagine that there will be another means to communicate… the internet.  Because of the internet, we get to more clients than people generations ago.  Thus, we need to adapt to this new technology to compete and succeed.  If we don’t evolve, we will be left behind. 

“It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe.” Choose positive words.  Anger, hatred, unforgiveness, frustration, regret will wear you down.  If you want to be successful you need to forgive and forget the bad past.  These are excess baggage that will slow you down on you ascend to the mountain of success.

“I am an ordinary man who worked hard to develop the talent I was given.”  Success does not come easy; you need to work hard and sacrifice to achieve your goals.  Use your talents and resources you have to reach your goals.  Be creative and focus.  It will be a delight when you reach your destination and laugh as you look down on the struggles you faced along the way.  Now that you are at the top, you will have a different perspective.  What you thought before as insurmountable struggles are now just small stuff.

“I set out on a journey of love, seeking truth, peace and understanding. I am still learning.”   Education does not end after receiving a degree.  Learning is not just in the school building.  Everyday is an opportunity to learn because life is an endless journey and it is full of lessons to be learned.  We must be willing to accept challenges and not allow our mistakes and misfortunes to define who we are as individuals.

“Truly great people in history never wanted to be great for themselves.” We must live unselfishly, willing to do greater good so that those we leave behind will have a better place to live in. 

“At night when I go to bed, I ask myself, 'If I don't wake up tomorrow, would I be proud of how I lived today.'” Live each day like it's your last. Never pass up on an opportunity; it knocks only once. Stay ambitious, seeking more goals as you reach each step of success.  Make a lasting impression, always seeking to help others. Always seek to be the best version of yourself everyday. 

So, if you think boxing is silly; look at the nuggets of wisdom one of its greatest icons has given us.

Inner Critic

Hi Ladies, I missed you!  It’s been almost two months since I wrote something in my blog.  Guess, I was a bitten by my inner critic J.  Yes, our inner critic can hit us at any stage of our life.  Even successful people can be slowed down with their inner critic.  So, let me talk to you about inner critic and how to minimise its attack (minimise because as long as we live, we will encounter that inner critic.  We just need to control, pacify it, minimise its presence in our head so that we can continue in our planned journey and proceed with our goal.

Inner critic or self-criticism is that small voice in your head that tells you only the negative things.  Its effect can be detrimental because it will derail you from your goals and worst it can cause depression and anxiety. Therefore, we need to pacify and silence that annoying voice that says we are incapable, weak, ugly, fat, worthless and more negative things. 

Here are some of the things I do when I encounter that annoying voice in my head.

I monitor my thoughts.  When I start to hear myself telling me negative things, I immediately start to check my thoughts.  I get a pen and paper and start jotting down my self-critical judgments which tell me that I am loser, stupid, fat, ugly.  Just being conscious that the inner critic is under attack again can decrease the frequency and intensity of that annoying voice. 

I then evaluate my judgments.  I analyze when such thoughts come to mind and I check if there is a pattern. I evaluate if such thoughts are arbitrary, that is based on random thoughts, or if they are fair and factual.  For instance, does your inner critic say you are a loser?  If it does, evaluate what a loser is.  Normally, we would define a loser as somebody who sits in the house the whole day doing nothing.  If you only did this once because you had a pity party but then got up on your feet to do something, then you can tell your inner critic that it is wrong about you.

When my inner critic attacks me, I give it a list of my achievements.  I recite all my accomplishments to down its negative attacks.  I tell it I managed to bring up two wonderful kids alone, I have successful online businesses, I am helping a lot of single moms, etc.

You shouldn’t allow your inner critic to weigh you down and disrupt your momentum towards your goals.  The inner critic is easy to distinguish from constructive thoughts.  If after overeating at a party makes you think, “I am a glutton; I am a pig!”, that is condemnation.  But if you start thinking, “I will start eating healthy”, then that is conviction.  Your goal should be towards improvement and not to put yourself down.

How’s that for a thought provoking come back?

Weight Loss Habits

Weight loss is a common issue to us single moms, especially when you reach a certain mature (not oldJ) age.  We desire to look good physically, keep fit and healthy to be able to do what we are doing now and probably do more.  Weight loss is such a hot topic that a lot of people have their solutions to address this issue. There are just so many recommended and proven ways to help us lose weight.  There are diets, exercises and even diet pills.  But the most important thing to do when trying to lose weight is to have discipline.  According to the medical reports of Galen, Hippocrates and Maimonides, we can lose weight and feel better in just five weeks if we slowly add a new habit every week.  Here are my personal five-week habit that has helped me keep the weight I desire, habits I believe can  help you also in achieving that look and body you want.  I’ve purposely added only one habit a week to help you keep the habit and be used to it before adding another one.

On the first week, replace one meal with a lighter one.  Instead of having a full meal from creamy mushroom soup as appetizer to a big slice of rich moist chocolate cake, you can have a vegetable salad for dinner.  Normally after dinner you don’t do a lot of physical activities so you don’t burn what you eat.  You just sleep them off and this adds to body curves in places you don’t want.  Overeating, most especially at night, is like poison to the body that causes not only sickness but bulges in unlikely places.  Keep this habit and enjoy the results.

On week two, replace your largest meal of the day (should be breakfast if we follow the rule – eat like a king on breakfast, like a prince on lunch and like a pauper on dinner) with vegetables, tofu and salmon.  You eat to live not live to eat.  At this time you should have two habits working for you – habit one on week one and habit two on week two.

On the third week, your lunch or your second largest meal of the day should be made up of whole grains like rice and chicken.  Now if you have a feeling of wanting more, opt to fill that want with fruits and vegetables.  Some of the top fat-burning fruits are avocado, coconut, rambutan, snake fruit, lemon, grapefruit, tomato and pomelo. Not only will you feel full but fruits and vegetables are good for your health and your skin.

By the fourth week, you will be feeling lighter and energetic, so this is a good time to do a cardio exercise.  Do simple cardio exercises like brisk walking in your neighborhood or park for at least 15 minutes.  Ideally, this should be 30 minutes every day but if you can’t find the time do this daily, then do your cardio at least three times a week.  When you keep this habit, your body will get used to it that will  tell you that it needs to get out and do that brisk walk.

Finally, on the fifth week of adding one habit a week, you may feel some cravings.  This is especially true for snackers like me.  Curb your cravings by drinking more water and keep a steady supply of healthy snacks like carrot sticks, apples, or even non- fat  non-grease dried nuts.

One habit every week for five weeks will make you lose those unwanted extra pounds.  Best of all, you will feel better, healthier and happier.

Are You a Champion?

Are you a champion?  For me, most single moms are champions. There are only two kinds of people – you are either a victim or you are a champion. Who would you rather be?  If you are not sure if you are a champion or a victim, check out these traits. 

Champions are resilient.  So now you know why I say that most single moms are champions.  Most single moms I know were able to bounce back to life after a tumultuous past.  They were able to create a better life in spite of the hardships.  My apologies for saying this again, I compare the single moms I know to a beach ball – the beach ball gets pushed down in the water but manages to rise above no matter how much pressure is exerted to push it down.  Later on, instead of pushing the beach ball down, people would play with it pushing it up.  Same with problems in life; resist the pressure and soon you will get used to it that the problems will no longer be issues for you.

There is always a sense of urgency in everything that champions do.  They do things intentionally.  There is always a purpose in whatever they do – they think, they plan and then they act.  Procrastination is not part of their dictionary.  Every delay in action can mean failure.  Champions don’t struggle with an issue for long; they move forward.  Champions don’t sit on a vision; they act on it.

 

Champions are persistent.  Like common people, champions encounter failures.  But unlike common people, champions are quick to get up and fight again.  They keep trying different ways to reach their goals; they keep knocking different doors till they finally hit the correct one that will lead to their success. Champions never give up.  They keep digging till they strike gold. Champions cannot live with the thought of “what if”.  What if they are just a day away from their biggest breakthrough and they gave up?

 

Champions are focused on their goals.  Whatever you focus your mind to, your body will follow.  If you keep thinking of your problems, the problems will be magnified.  But if you focus on the solution, you will be able to solve your problems. When we focus on solutions, we will see clearly and will gain insight and vision.  When we focus on what we want, we block out everything that seeks to distract us.

Another common character trait of champions is discipline.  We become what we repeatedly do.  If we discipline ourselves to exercise daily, we gain a healthy body.  If we discipline ourselves to work on certain number of hours a day to reach our financial goals, we will achieve our objective. Discipline separates the common man from the legend.  Discipline will make you get up out of bed to work on your online job, meet and encourage more people to become successful and become champions.

Depression

Yesterday’s post was about laughter; today, I would like to look into the words you can say to someone who is undergoing depression.  What is depression?  Depression is a feeling of worthlessness leading to impaired concentration and unnecessary fatigue.  Is it serious enough to cause death?  Yes, it is serious enough to cause death because the feeling of worthlessness makes a person want to end his/her life.  There is no reason for living; no life purpose for a depressed person. Depressed people feel tired all the time causing them to shy away from society and be alone.  This solitude attitude adds to the feeling of wanting to end one’s life. Can we help with just mere words?  You may not notice it but even people with no professional background in handling depressed people can help ease depression with just mere words.

 

Some people are just so insensitive.  They respond harshly even to depressed people.  Depressed people are so sensitive to the words spoken to them, so we need to be very thoughtful of every word we utter when consoling or talking to depressed people.

 

Always impress upon a depressed person that you are always available for them.  You will always be there whether it be a mere phone call at night when they need to vent or simply when they feel that they just need someone to talk to.  Tell them that you will arrange your schedule should they need you to be physically present for them.

 

People undergoing depression needs to know that they are understood.  Tell them that you understand how they feel.  Make them feel that their feelings are valid and there are ways to free them from their present emotional agony.  Make them feel that you care and there are solutions to their problems.

 

Boost the morale of a depressed person.  Tell them that they can come out victorious from their present state.  Help them remember their past successes and accomplishments.  Tell them that they are overcomers and they can rise above their bad situation again.  Remind them that their trials are there only to make them better individuals.  Tell them not to be bitter about their situation but look at what good this situation can bring to them.

 

Tell them that they are not alone in their situation.  You care about them; you love them that is why you are with them in their situation. 

 

Guide depressed people to their happy moments.  Help them reminisce the good past, the happy moments of their life.  Help them to get back into their hobbies that make them happy and occupied.

 

If despite of all the words and efforts you are doing, your buddy continues to be in his depressed mood, ask him to write his emotions. Sometimes, mere talk and words will not free a person from depression; sometimes, feelings of weariness have to be written down to enable the person and whoever is helping him to carefully analyze the situation.

 

Finally, if this does not work either, consider seeking professional help.  It could be that the depression is deeper than you can personally handle.  Psychologists have more experience and methods that could help your friend.  Also, sometimes depressed people do not want to divulge too much of their feelings to people close to them. 

 

Depressed people are very sensitive; choose your words wisely when talking to them.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Laughter is the best medicine.  There is truth in this saying.  Laughter is an amazing miracle healer.  I have heard people testify that laughter has healed them.  A lot of books have been written on this subject like Dr. Bernie Siegel’s Humor and Healing and a best-selling book Anatomy of an Illness.  

 

Anatomy of an Illness was based on the story of Norman Cousins.  Cousins is a renowned journalist and editor of the Saturday Review.  In the 1960s, he was diagnosed with a debilitating spinal disease and was given a 1/500 chance of survival. Instead of confining himself in the hospital, he checked-out and moved to a hotel spending his time just watching episodes of Candid Camera and the Marx Brothers. Apparently, laughter stimulated chemicals in his body giving him several hours of pain-free sleep.  He continued the practice.  Eventually, his illness went into remission and he was able to get back to work.  

Other studies concluded the same results.  The University of Maryland studied the effect of laughter on cardiac health.  In their study, their subjects were shown laughter-provoking movies. Laughter appeared to cause the inner lining of blood vessels to dilate, thus increasing blood flow and avoiding dangerous vessel constriction. Other studies conclude that laughter, over time, offers significant medical benefits, including boosting the immune system, lowering blood pressure, improving heart and respiratory functions and even regulating blood sugar.

 

Getting medication is very expensive; so, why not utilize this free and always available medication?  Laughter has the power to heal physically, mentally and emotionally. Laugh your blues away and restore your health; be in the pink of health.   

Teach yourself to always see the funny side of things.  See the comedy in bad brain chemistry, the humor in mood disorders, and the satire in dysfunctional situations.  Maybe you got a terrible beating from your boss.  Laugh about it; look it the mirror and mimic how outrageous your boss looked when he was scolding you!  You can’t change what happened and you can’t just quit your job so change your perspective. 

 

When something disastrous happens, look for the positive and funny side of it.  It is raining, you forgot to bring your umbrella and you need arrive at the day care center before it closes to pick-up your kid.  Don’t fret, run into the rain and enjoy getting wet! Have fun and tell your kid how awesome it is to bathe in the rain.   

Always find something to laugh about everyday.  Watch a comedy show, drop by your Facebook.  My friend posted this on Facebook and it just made me laugh so hard my son asked why I was laughing by myself.  I did not share it with him because the language is not so good but I will share it with you just for laughs.  It’s called Creating a Password

 

Cabbage

Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters
Boiled cabbage
Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character
1 boiled cabbage
Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces
50fuckingboiledcabbages
Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character
50FUCKINGboiledcabbages
Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAss,IfYouDon’tGiveMeAccessImmediately
Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation
NowIAmGettingReallyPissedOff50FuckingBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessImmediately
Sorry, that password is already in use!

 

You don’t have to laugh alone always J.  You may have a co-worker or a friend whose jokes make you laugh till you cry.  Or you can laugh at your friends and family (they’ll understand) but make sure you know when to stop as your laughter might sometimes cause a squabble if it becomes too personal or hurting.  

And when you do start laughing, go all the way.  Laugh till you cry, laugh till your stomach hurts, laugh till you are sprawled out on the floor, laugh till you try catching your breath and laugh till you are exhausted.

Laugh and enjoy the laughter.  Think of a time when you laughed the hardest; meditate on that moment and it will surely bring you joy and peace.

 

Bring laughter with you, everywhere and anywhere you go.  Laughter is your handy medicine to any possible illness.  Laughter will come in handy when life throws things at you, when life strikes you down. Laughter is your best medicine.