Disappointment

I am Ms. Planner. I plan a lot because I believe in the saying that the person who fails to plan, plans to fail. However, with the plans come disappointments. Making a plan is not an assurance that you will not fail… that you will not be disappointed. No human being has been spared of disappointment; disappointment is a fact of life. I admit it; I have had my share of severe disappointments that if I was not able to overcome could have devastated me and ruined my life. Actually, for a while my severe disappointment did take a toll on me. But thanks to my support system, I was able to see through that disappointment.

Just recently, I felt that I am on the road of disappointment again. I was so frustrated of my son’s lack of focus on his career. I am so afraid that if he doesn’t find the right path, it will destroy his entire life. I guess mothers fear more when the future of their kids is at stake.  

Today, I would like to share with you some tips on how to overcome disappointment.  This is my way of talking to myself and get that healing in the process.

Disappoint happens to everyone.
You are not alone. You may not know it but your neighbor could have or is suffering more disappointment than you are now experiencing. They have had losses and setbacks. Throw a pity party but don’t stay too long in the party. Grieve over your disappointment but get up and forgive those who have disappointed you and forgive yourself.

Do not compare yourself with other people.
When I look back and try to understand the root cause of my disappointment, I realize that my disappointment is more of pride. I compare myself to friends and family who I think are better off than me - have better spouses/partners, better off financially, better family, etc. I fail to count my blessings and accept that we are all unique individuals and lead different lives. Comparing yourself with other people will only increase your disappointment and decrease your contentment.

Change your focus.
Count your blessings and not your disappointments. You will be surprised to find out that you have more blessings than disappointments. Do not focus on the negative. You can’t turn back the hands of time but you can flip the chart to make your success story. Write down your feelings and be honest; be brutally honest. Vent if you have to because it is important to work through the emotions you are experiencing. Don’t hold back your emotions but be very choosy on whom to show your rant. If you can’t find a confidant who will help you and listen to you, it is better to just write your feelings. After ranting, focus on the positives. Recount them to your friend and write them down. This will help you keep your focus on the positive side of any disappointment.

When you fall down, pick yourself up and move forward.
Author Les Brown said, “Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.” It does not matter where you fell and how hard you fell; what is important is that you stood up, brushed yourself and moved on. Learn from your mistake.

Sometimes you need to adjust your expectations.
Moms always have high hopes for their children. Sometimes our children have different dreams and plans; probably such dreams are of a different level than yours.  Learn to accept and adjust your expectations.  After doing your best, be contented with the outcome. What is important is that you did your best. Be thankful and celebrate your achievements regardless of how small or big they are.

Dream again.

You may not have reached what you wanted but that should not stop you from dreaming again. Keep on dreaming and planning for what you believe is a good life. If you did not reach it through road 1, try another path; try another approach.

Never let disappointment derail you life. Do not crouch on disappointments because if you do, it could ruin your life. Accept disappointments to foolproof your life with happiness.

Depression Busters

We live in a fast-paced environment with changes happening at the blink of an eye. We are submerged into extreme expectation, living in a lightning rat race. No wonder, most of us are stressed and depressed. Depression if not immediately corrected can lead to serious psychological problems.

Most people fight depression with food. Psychologists have a lot of explanations about the connection of food to depression.  Regardless of the connection, using food as depression buster is counter-productive and counter-intuitive.  When people are depressed they are more likely to eat more and eat more of the unhealthy foods like junk food. This leads to being overweight and unhealthy.  Eating to overcome depression only results to gaining weight. Gaining weight only serves to intensify the depression and add to feelings of worthlessness.

Depression can be easily addressed by simple depression busters. Depression busters are designed to make us feel good and look good.

Sleep
Lack of sleep magnifies the effects of depression.  You need to get enough undisturbed sleep of about 6 to 8 hours each night. You need to sleep at the right time which is by 9 p.m. and until at least 5 a.m. which is the time when the body repairs itself. Sleeping beyond this time will not make you feel rested.  You also need to try at least 15-30 minutes of catnap during the day.

Meditate
Meditation reduces stress and helps us sleep better. When you meditate, you clear negative thoughts from your mind. Develop the habit of meditating for at least 10 minutes a day. Find a quiet place and sit down, close your eyes, take slow deep breathes and just shut your mind from the environment and stop thinking.

Eat Right
Eat the right kinds of food especially when your depression pushes you to devour food. Instead of junk food devour depression buster fruits and vegetables like apricots, broccoli, cantaloupe, carrots, peaches, blueberries, grapefruit, kiwi, oranges, and tomatoes.

Drink Right
Research says that dehydration can lead to depression. Remember, how bad you felt during a confrontation but felt better immediately after drinking water? Drink to a minimum 8 glasses of water a day. Water is not only a depression buster but for your health and good skin too.

Exercise
Exercising takes your mind off from worries. You don’t have to take strenuous exercises; 15 minutes daily walk in the park is good enough to make you feel better. When we are physically active our brain secretes endorphins, a chemical that makes us feel good.

Let the Light Shine
Whenever possible get your sunlight vitamin. Take your walks in the morning so that you get exposed to sunlight. An environment of sunshine takes the blues away.

Smile Regimen

You may not feel like smiling but just put on a smile. A smile will change your mood. Try smiling the moment you wake up. This will immediately condition your mind to tell you that you are happy. This is the body and mind connection. When you smile, the mind is conditioned to feelings of joy and happiness.

Wear Bright Colored Clothes
The clothes we wear can affect our mood. Dark clothing tends to increase the effects of depression. Color can stimulate positive feelings; red is a live and energy color. Buddhist monks do not wear orange robes without a reason. Orange and other vibrant colors create a vibrant energy field.

Prolonged stress can signify that depression may not be too far. Practice above simple steps to keep depression at bay in our depression-inducing environment.

Start Your Day Right

Have you experienced waking up in the morning feeling tired even after a good night sleep?  Well, we sometimes believe that we did have a good night sleep but if you evaluate your sleep it was more of a disturbed one instead of a calm sleep. Even if you did not have nightmares, your sleep could have been a disturbed and stressful sleep because before falling into sleep you couldn’t help thinking of your concerns during the day and the issues you will be facing the following day.

How can you start your day right? Most single moms are guilty of being able to start their day right. Their heads are reeling with things to do and they just want to get these done immediately upon waking up.  However, this attitude causes them to feel so tired even before they get to start anything.

Your alarm jolts you out of bed and the stress race begins with your routine hygiene, breakfast and then you speed out the door. This routine is exactly the reason why you pile yourself with so much stress every day. Learning to change this routine will help you start your day right.

I would like to suggest the following change in routine as it has helped me start my day right and because I started my day right, I accomplished more and was happier. Just add about 15 minutes to your daily routine and put this additional 15 minutes before your usual routine.

1. The moment you wake up, say a little prayer. Even if you don’t feel like doing it, thank God for another new day. Thank Him for the roof above your head, your job or business, the daily food, health, protection, the sunshine, whatever. Just give thanks.
2. Get into the habit of writing your thoughts.  Great ideas usually come out during the first minutes when you wake up. Just doodle; instead of drawing, write anything that crosses your mind. It could be about your dream, your plan for the day, your thoughts about your business, etc. Doodle thoughts actually calm your mind.
3.  Still seated on your bed, take deep breaths for a minute or two. Take them slowly,  smile, and embrace yourself as you take those slow deep breaths. This is good not only for your mind but for your body too. It slows down your heart beat, calms you and makes you feel good about yourself.
4. Now, get out of bed and open your windows to marvel at nature. During the summer, enjoy the chirping of the birds, the warm wind, and the sunshine. During winter, enjoy the sound of the falling snow.  Whatever it is find the time to enjoy nature.
5. You can now start with your usual routine of hygiene and breakfast. But before you do this, you need to turn on music. Choose calm and soothing music. It is best if it is instrumental. You will feel calm and rested as you continue your morning routine.

Starting your day right will help you be a happy person, accomplish more, be creative and innovative.

Empathy

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Leadership Skills

Sometimes leadership skills can be learned from unexpected places and situations. Most of the single moms I know have developed their leadership skills during one of the lowest points in their lives. A number of them actually did not know that they can develop beyond being home makers.  Their situation pushed them to evaluate their innate abilities and develop their strengths. These moms who used to wipe faces and floors are now leaders in big corporations.  Some have put up their own small companies and can definitely be called excellent leaders in their own right. They’ve raised their kids alone providing for their kids’ emotional, financial and spiritual needs.

Once upon a time, there was a CEO (Chief Executive Officer) who asked his managers to visit a mental hospital for their leadership training. As expected, a number of his managers grumbled. They felt humiliated that their training would be done, of all places, in a mental hospital. They expected to go to a plush event place like a 5 star hotel or fly to a private resort for their training. They were skeptical that they will learn anything in the mental hospital environment. (Lesson number 1 – Leaders must have an open mind. There are nuggets of wisdom and ideas all around us; we just need to have an open mind to spot these ideas. Once spotted, a leader must have the courage to grab these ideas and use them.)

A kind security staff, Bill, showed them around. He showed the areas where the patients have their regular morning exercises, the cafeteria where some of the less problematic patients can personally go to eat, the treatment room, the entertainment room and the testing room. As they were passing the entertainment room, the managers heard shouts. The patients were shouting “13! 13! 13!” Curiously, one of the managers peeped into a hole. A patient poked his eye and the patients started shouting “14! 14! 14!”  (Lesson number 2 - Leaders must be curious to succeed. Curiously drives a leader to try a venture.  However, a leader must be prepared to accept failures and find humor in these failures.  Every failure is an opportunity to learn.)

After the tour was completed, one manager asked Bill, “Are they all sick and crazy loonies in here then?” Smart Bill replied, “Only the ones who fail the test.” “And what is the test?” asked the manager. Bill replied, “Remember the testing room? I showed you only the equipment that we use but I forgot to show you the final testing equipment which is a very simple tool but has never failed in spotting the sick and crazy loonies. In the final test, we show them a bath filled with water, a large bucket, a large cup and a spoon. We then ask them what the quickest way to empty the water in the bath would be.” The manager said, “What? That is quite simple. The ‘normal one’ knows it’s the bucket, right?” Bill smilingly replied, “No. Actually the normal ones say pull out the plug. Should I see if there is a bed free for you?” (Lesson number 3 – Leaders must go beyond the obvious especially when solving problems.  Don’t rely on the obvious or available tools; be creative in solving problems.) 

The Entrepreneur

Do you have the guts to become an entrepreneur? What makes an entrepreneur? Are entrepreneurs trained or are entrepreneurs born?

Before a doctor gives medication to his patient, he would interview his patient. He would ask what he feels and when does he have these complaints. If the patient is a first time patient, the doctor will require the patient’s medical history as well as that of his immediate family members. The doctor will be probing on the patient’s family health issues and his lifestyle that could possibly lead to his present health problem. At times the doctor will require a series of laboratory tests. After the interview and the tests, the doctor could then give specific drugs and therapies to cure the patient or may also give medications for the patient’s maintenance.

Similarly before an entrepreneur starts a business he will size up the market, interview some of his target market, check the competition, review his possible suppliers and so on. The entrepreneur will prepare a business plan and a marketing plan. He must follow certain steps before doing anything irrational that could lead to an unsuccessful business venture. Equally important to his planning stage is that an entrepreneur must be endowed with certain traits and characters that will enable him to persevere and have a vision for his business.

Entrepreneurship is collectively defined as a person’s vision and pursuit of that vision.  It means a passion or desire to achieve something; it means getting your butt out of that couch and stop day dreaming but work on your dream. Needless to say, each and every one of us can be entrepreneurs if we have that passion and good work habits. And to become a successful entrepreneur, one must exhibit the following traits:

Creativity – it is not just thinking outside the box but thinking way beyond the box. How can one develop creativity? You don’t always have to do the expensive market research; just spend time talking to consumers to know their needs and their frustrations on the products available in the market.  Having an inquisitive attitude will help you know in depth the needs of people and how you can meet those needs.

Optimism –sometimes your plan will not go in the way you envisioned it to be. Optimism is being able to see beyond the failure and frustration and learning from your mistakes. Optimism pushes you forward and closer to your goal.

Calculated Risk-taker - a successful entrepreneur takes risk but sets a limit to the risk he will be taking. He knows that if he doesn’t take the risk, he will not be able to know if such an endeavor will progress. He is not afraid of taking chances when opportunity strikes.

Energetic – always active, willing and able to do whatever it takes to get to the finish line. His energy extends beyond the Bundy clock as an entrepreneur’s work does not end as the day ends.

Committed – and entrepreneur is committed to his goal.  He is focused on what he wants to achieve and he does everything in his power to make his goal, his dream a reality. He is committed to his vision, his mission, to his employees and to his stakeholders.

 Strength of character –physically, mentally, socially and emotionally, an entrepreneur (leader) must possess the strength of character which means that he could handle tough situations during tough times.

Charismatic – intelligent and creative communication and interaction with people from all walks of life. A successful entrepreneur usually possess that certain magic glow in his eyes and can convey enchanting words in convincing power that no one can and dare to resist.

Innovative – a successful entrepreneur has his eyes on innovation. He looks for ways and means to be the first in everything, launching the first ever products or services. He stays above his game; he does not rest on his laurels but look for more ways to achieve more.