Sharpen Your Negotiation Skills

You may not notice it but you negotiate every single day of your life. As you make decisions the moment you awake, you also have to negotiate as you go through your day. You talk your child into bringing his snacks to school instead of buying from the cafeteria, you negotiate with a neighbor for a ride, you bargain with the grocer, etc.

Every single act that you do requires negotiation.  Here’s how to sharpen your negotiation skills whether it be a simple negotiation at home, in your neighborhood, at your work, or in your business.

Like the good old boy scout motto, “Be prepared.”

People think that confidence and boisterousness are keys to sealing a deal.  Others say that you need experience to become a good negotiator. But most of the time, it merely takes preparation to ensure you are aptly equipped to assert mutually desirable terms, anticipate objections, and discern your opponent’s weak spots to enforce a win-win solution. Note that I mentioned “win-win solution” because winning a negotiation means we are concerned with our so-called “opponent”.  A win-win negotiation is another long topic so let me just briefly state that we are after a humanely negotiation; we do not negotiate to abuse our so-called “opponent”.  When you have a heart, a compassionate heart, you become endearing even to your opponent and this will overshadow any lack of experience you may have in negotiation. Having a heart will also make the other party less defensive and will make the other party more amenable to your stipulations.

Keep in mind that everything is negotiable.

When you decide that the terms for anything can be changed into a beneficial agreement for both parties, doors of possibilities and opportunities open.

Keep building relationships.
No negotiation will proceed unless a good relationship is built. Negotiation does not happen when people are unruly and shouting at the top of their voices. The same is true in building a business. If you are in the business of networking, do not just give away your business card in an event. Spend a few minutes connecting and getting to know people more on a deeper level. Ask about their family, their hobbies, goals, etc. Get a little more personal. A good relationship will help you collaborate and improve your business deal.

Do not assume that the other party understands or knows what you want; ask for what you want.
The reason why sales people don’t get the sale is because they don’t ask. The same is true in negotiation; to get what you want, you must ask for it. The reason why some sales people don’t ask for the sale is because of the fear of rejection or being branded as too strong. Same is true in negation; some negotiators fear rejection or are afraid of being branded as greedy. In negotiations, rejection is never personal. If you were rejected or did not win the negotiation, it merely means that that you did not present a viable argument substantiating why you should get what you want. Or it could mean that there was a much better solution to the issue at hand.

Practise the art of silence.
What is your reaction to a sales person who just keeps on talking? Irritated and you don’t give him the sale. You may even vow never to talk to him again; you will avoid him. Too much talk will prevent you from knowing what the other party has to say and therefore not being able to refute whatever is in their thoughts. Do not underestimate the power of silence. According to an old adage “he or she who speaks next loses.” Keep quiet and listen to win the  negotiation.

Happy Mum's Day

It's Mum's Day tomorrow, March 6, 2016 in the U.K. 

To all the Mums and most specially to Single Mums,

I SALUTE YOU

To their children, I know that 

WORDS and GIFTS 

will not express your gratitude for your Mums

I believe ACTIONS will

HUG your Mums

TODAY and EVERY DAY

Stress Stress Go Away

I know I shouldn’t say this but I did it again. No matter how I started my New Year right, I am now experiencing stress. It’s now time to sing that nursery rhyme changing rain to stress:

Stress, stress, go away
Never come any day
Little me wants to play

A productive routine includes play (leisure), wellness, fun, and stress reduction.

Let me remind myself and you that we need to take time out to recharge. Working long and hard will not increase your productivity but could lead to inefficiencies. Never confuse your job with your life.

Here are my favorite stress reducers:

1. Physically and mentally close your office door. I know you are very passionate about your job. But the only way to get more things done and be more creative in your job is to ensure that you do not burn-out. So, when you leave your office close the door physically and mentally. Stop thinking of your job the moment you close your office door. All issues and problems can wait for tomorrow.
   
   
2. Leave your office on time. If you commute to work, may sure that you come to work on time and leave your office on time. Do not render overtime work especially when you feel the stress bug attacking. You will accomplish more if you are less stressed.

This will be a little difficult when you work online. Nevertheless, shut down your computer and keep it shut down at a designated time. Never make an alibi that you will just check on your personal network because as soon as you go online you will be tempted to work. Keep your computer shut down and do not go online.

3. Laugh at life’s absurdities. Issues happen daily; problems are a fact of life. Don’t take them too seriously. Laugh at the problems that life throws at you. Reduce your stress level but laughing. Reduced stress will make you appreciate life and will enable you to care for others.
   
   
4. Have fun. Give yourself permission to have fun. Go on a vacation. Take on a hobby or just enjoy any leisure activity. We hear of people lamenting that they took the time off but they still feel stressed. Yes, they may have taken a vacation but their minds were on their work all the time. The key here is to shut down any thought or activity that leads you to your stress area.
   
   
5. Think of fond memories. This one works wonders and it works fast. When you think of the nice memories, you immediately feel relaxed. Antics of my children never cease to put a smile on my face. My heart slows down as I enjoy the memories of their childhood - how they make me laugh, how they surprise me with gifts that to them are so small and not costly but to me are my treasures.
   
   
6. Your job comes only on the third of your list of priorities. First is God, then family. Never neglect your family. Your job ends after a time; your family ends only when you depart this life.
   
   
7. Force yourself to relax. After all has been said and done and you forget to do points 1 to 6, you need to force yourself to slow down. Learn to say “no” to your work and extracurricular activities. Include in your time management the time to relax.

And if you are one of the people I know who feels guilty when there is a downtime in their schedule, don’t. Remember that the downtime is needed to help you bounce back with power!

From John Maxwell Company

How to Get More Than Easy Answers and Half-Baked Solutions:

3 Things Martin Luther King, Jr. Taught Us About Thinking

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Easy answers and half-baked solutions. How often are these really effective? A MacGyver-style fix usually works in the moment, but not forever. And split-second decisions often cause regrets. A little duct tape on this, a quick patch on that and we move ahead to the next project. It's definitely easier to just check off a task instead of giving ourselves the time necessary for planning and solid thinking.

John C. Maxwell says, successful people think differently than unsuccessful people. And, if you are willing to change your thinking, you can change your feelings, you can change your actions, and ultimately, you can change your life.

As we approach Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, we reflect on a great man and a great thinker. He was not the kind of man to glaze over the details or take short cuts. He modeled solid, vision-driven thinking and because of that, he created a remarkable legacy.

As we celebrate the legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr., we reflect on three aspects of his skilled thinking that made him a successful leader. And, they are skills you can implement, too. These three methods of skilled thinking can help you discover new ways to consider the challenges and obstacles you face in your own leadership.

1. Strategic Thinking

What is needed is a strategy for change, a tactical program that will bring the Negro into the mainstream of American life as quickly as possible. - MLK

King knew hope wasn't a strategy. Having been denied their rights for the entirety of United States'
history, African-Americans could not expect change by working through the usual political
channels. The quest for racial equality would require radical activism. As King noted, "Freedom is never
voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed."
Inspired by the Montgomery bus boycott, King conceived a national strategy of widespread noncooperation
to challenge racist institutions.

In your leadership and personal life, you're responsible for doing the homework and planning the strategy for achieving your vision. It's not enough to hope for change or hope you reach your potential. Approaching your leadership with a strategy is the first step to success.

2. Uncommon Thinking

There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, 'When will you be satisfied?' We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the Negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by signs stating: For Whites Only. We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream. - MLK

When King said these words during his "I Have a Dream" speech, he was speaking out against a life-long prejudice that for hundreds of years was a cultural norm in the United States. What he said that day was radical, hard to imagine, and vastly different than any system the American public was familiar with. As a leader, he was courageous enough to share his uncommon, unpopular thinking. And, as a leader today, it's your job to inspire followers with the future and provide motivation day-by-day.

This means that the people in your organization must be able to look toward both the future and the present. They need to know where they’ll eventually be and what to do every day to get there. It’s your job to articulate an inspiring vision for the future and make sure everyone in the organization does the right things in the present to get you there.

 3. Big-Picture Thinking

An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. - MLK

To be an inspirational leader, you must adopt an attitude of service toward those you lead. This requires laying aside selfish interests to add value to another person. When you serve, you awaken something magnetic inside of you. People are drawn to follow you because they know you'll find ways to make them better.

Having a vision, strategy and dream for your leadership will be key to the success of your 2016 goals. But, it all starts with solid, skilled thinking.

Legacy leaders like King show us the way and give us the inspiration to act. But, in order to carry this out in your own leadership, you need a plan.

How to Achieve Your Goals, part 2

You may not admit it that though you have told yourself that you will refrain from setting goals or New Year’s resolutions, you have unconsciously done some re-thinking. You will stay healthy; no more sugar, no more to couch potato, no more late nights, no more working on weekends, etc.  You don’t want to admit that you have set some goals for fear of not achieving them.

At the start of the New Year, you are very motivated to do all that you have set yourself to do. After a few weeks of success and seeing the results, you tend to be complacent and decide to reward yourself. You sit down and watch a new Netflix series over a dessert of cupcake. Before you know it, you are back into your old self, back to your old habits.

Frustration and disappointment made you to tell yourself, you will never change. You will never achieve your goals.

Why is it that some people are able to achieve their goals? What is their secret?

The secret to achieving goals lies in the brain. As the adage says, “It is all in the mind.” The secret to achieving your goals lies on how you are thinking.  Studies reveal that we can train our brains. We have control over the signals in our brain that affect our thinking. We can make our brain think and follow what we intend to do.

Follow these 4 thinking strategies (adapted from Mari Selby, Jump Start Your Motivation, Forbes Magazine, 2014.) to help you achieve your goals this year.

1.  Focus your attention to your goals. Keep your mind set on the “do it” signals. The more you focus on your goal and what you should do to achieve it, the more likely you are to move and win over de-motivating thoughts.
2. Focus on the benefits of your goal. You must be clear on the benefits of your goal. Knowing the benefits of what you hope to achieve will generate stronger positive thoughts. What will you gain by being physically healthy? Is it long life, ease of movement, look physically beautiful? Do you want all of these benefits? Then you need to work and do the necessary to achieve your goal.
3. Visualize the effect of your goal; think of it happening. The power of visualization and positive thinking will propel you mind to make your body work towards your goal. You will increase activity in the reward-related areas of your brain and reduce activity in areas that might otherwise slow you down with doubts against your capability to achieve what you desire and fear of failure or concern over the difficulty of the task.
4. Do more of “random acts of kindness”. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, or endorphin, which is linked to motivation. Studies say that endorphins are enhanced and increased with altruistic or selfless behavior. Therefore, acts of kindness are a motivation in themselves.  As we act more kindly and think of ourselves less, endorphins or motivating chemical in our brains increases. As motivation increases, the more likely we are to achieve our goals.

If you haven’t tried this thinking strategy, why not try it this year? It could be your key to finally achieving your goals. 

How to Achieve Your Goals for the New Year

A blessed New Year everyone.  I know we all had a long and well deserved holiday. For most of us, apart from all the parties and fun, we used the non-working days to reflect on the past year and to set our goals for the New Year. New Year’s resolutions are very common and are always the talk of the town at this time of the year. New Year’s resolutions are always (according to surveys) broken by the end of January. But how can you truly achieve your goals for the New Year?

Give time to set your goals.
I have a friend who stopped setting goals because according to her, she easily breaks them anyway. I guess the problem is that as easily as she sets her goals, the easier she breaks them. Goals must be carefully thought of. I love the acronym SMART when setting goals. That is, goals must be specific, measureable, attainable, realistic, and time bounded. Attainable and realistic does not mean that you set small goals to ensure that you can achieve them. Rather, attainable and realistic means that your goals must be something that you have the capacity to achieve because you have the skills and the means to reach them. Keep in mind that you set goals so that you reach the next level of your life; goals are set to improve your life.

Write down your goals.
Because of the consistency that you miss out on your goals every year you’ve decided not to write down your goals. This actually is the exact reason why you will not achieve your goals. Not writing them down will cause your mind and body to pay less attention to your goals. You become less committed and this is the start of failure. When you don’t write down your goals you actually allow fear to take control. Fear of failure can cripple us into inaction, keeping us right where we are at and never achieving where we want to be. Take control of your fear and doubts; take action and you will achieve what you have set your heart and mind to do for the year.

Break down the deadline of your goal.
Don’t say that you will lose 50 pounds within 12 months. Rather, break this down into monthly goals so that you are able to check and review your progress.  If you are not achieving what you have set for a few months (or quarter), analyze what you need to change. You should not change your goal but you should change your strategy. Probably, you need to diet apart from regular exercise to achieve the weight you desire. Breaking down your goals into small steps will help you achieve your year-end goal.

Rinse and repeat.
When you have found the right strategy to achieve your goals for the year, rinse and repeat. Do not be lazy because you will need energy to achieve your goals. Do not be complacent that you have found the strategy and that such is working well for the past few months. Repeat the strategy and review again after another month or quarter depending on your need.

Here’s to ensuring you will achieve your goals for this year and beyond. Have a blessed New Year.

Lessons from Below

As my son said, there is no age limit in learning. No matter what age you are, you can continue learning. In fact, learning should not stop after school graduation. I would like to add to that by saying, learning can happen everywhere; even when you are at the pit or your low point in life. Learning from below is actually, in my opinion, the best way to learn. Whatever you learn when you are at the lowest point in your life will be remembered better. It will leave a mark. Lessons learned from hitting an emotional and spiritual wall is painstaking and because of that these lessons are immortalized, cemented, ingrained in your heart and mind. Admit it or not, these situations and lessons have made you a better person.

Following are some of the lessons I’ve learned when I was at my emotional low.

You will find out who are your friends.

You are not at your best when you have problems - you sometimes can be rude and unreasonable. Only your true friends will understand your situation and your attitude and action. Your real friends will put up with you. The rest will take the exit door and forget they ever knew you.

Don’t just rely on others for help; help yourself.

Normally, we seek the help of other people when we encounter issues in our life.  We go to our family and friends to lift us out of the despair. But one thing I’ve learned is that when you are in an emotional pit, the best person and only person who can get you out of that pit is you. Sure, your family and friends can boost your morale but only you can deny or accept the emotional lift. So when you face an emotional low in your life, decide to get out of it; help yourself.

Get organized.

When you are at an emotional low of your life, it will help a lot if you get things in order and organized. Unclutter your environment; organize things at home and your finances. Doing so will help you reduce the number of things that occupy your mind. Having a physically orderly house also helps your mind to think neat and clean, helping you get out of your emotional low feeling. A clean and orderly house calms your mind and heart; it reduces stress.

Review your passion and priorities.

One of the best antidotes for an emotional low life is to revisit your passion and set your priorities. However, you need to simplify these to avoid being pressured. Learn to be contented with the simple things of life. This will surely lift you from your emotional low.

Focus at the end of the rainbow.

After the storm comes a rainbow. This is true if you set your heart into looking in the future with hope. Life is a journey and every journey has its lows and highs. There is no way but up after an emotional low. Focus to reaching your emotional high.

You become fearless after your emotional low episode.

After surviving your emotional low, you will have the ability to move forward when hit again by another problem in life. Experience is the best teacher. Your experience during your first emotional low may have been a slow walk or you may have even crawled your way away from the pit. On your next episode of an emotional low, it will be a walk in the park; you will be fearless and more adventurous in taking on the opportunities and challenges of life’s journey.