How to Handle Fear

How do you handle fear?  Are you like the Cowardly Lion in the classic film, “Wizard of Oz” who believes that his life will better if he is the king of the forest?  He believes that if he were a king, he would be fearless in the face of danger. 

Fear and courage are different.  As a Christian, I love this quote “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the presence of God.” A Christian cancer patient may fear for her life but will be courageous in facing her future because she knows that God is with her.  Fear is and emotion, an instinct we feel when we are in danger.  Despite this emotion, we may be able to courageously face the danger.  In fact, some courageous acts take place despite of fear.  A mother raced through a burning house to save her child. 

I don’t think we can ever get rid of fear, but we can master fear so that it does not negatively impact our life.

So, how can you master fear?  How can you control it?  How can you use fear to your advantage?

You need to discover the foundation of your fear.  Why do you have these fearful thoughts? In most cases, fear resides in feelings rather than facts.  Carefully evaluate your emotions to figure out where your fear is coming from.  I’ve counseled a number of single moms who fear being alone to care for their children.  They fear that money will not be enough to support their kids.  Fear consumed them to the point that they were close to depression. But with a support group and guidance from mentors these single moms are now able to provide a comfortable life for their family.  Fear is more of a feeling, not a fact. Do not be deceived.

Do not focus on your fear; focus on what you can control.  You can’t control people’s attitude but you can control yours.  Though you have done your best to keep your marriage, you can’t control your husband’s feelings and decisions.   It is not what happens to you that is important but what happens in you.  Staying married is a decision of two people.  If you end up in an unfortunate situation like divorce, do not fear.  Focus on what you can control.  Focus on what you can learn and achieve from this unfortunate event in your life.  You have the power to turn it into something good as long as you control your attitude and become optimistic. Do not be overcome by this fear of being alone but be optimistic.  Evaluate your assets and how to use these to build a better future for you and your kids.

Use fear to your advantage.  Have you heard of the woman who was able to carry her sick mom who is twice her weight?  That was adrenalin working!  Their house was on fire and she needed to carry her mom to safety.  If you want to develop, to grow, to be progressive, you have to constantly battle fear.  Just like the rush of adrenalin when in danger, overcoming fear will give you strength and self confidence.  That self-confidence grows after every victory over your fear bringing you closer to your goal.

Our body is made up of trillions of living cells.  When we don’t feed our body well, these cells may turn bad, taking over our system, making us sick.  Same is true for fear and courage.  These two are within our system and we can’t purge either one of them. But we can weaken the emotion of fear by starving it.  Do not feed fear; do not allow fear to enter your thoughts and influence your decision-making.  Starve fear, nourish hope. Positive, inspiring, and optimistic thoughts will fuel powerful emotions of hope and excitement which will take over the emotion of fear.  Nourish these positive thoughts, think of them often, visualize them, talk about them with friends. Feed hope and you will be able to handle your fear!