Develop Positive Relationships

Positive relationships could help single moms accomplish their tasks quickly and stress-free.  Can you imagine working and living in an environment where people help and support you, get favors and gain a lot of friends?  Positive relationships will help you do this.

Basically, developing positive relationships start from you.  You create a way for people to treat and react to you by the way you treat and react to them. Here are some steps that you should follow to develop positive relationships:

1. Be pleasant.  It is impossible to get angry or be snobbish with a person who is pleasant.  If you react negatively to a pleasant person, you will be branded as a rude person.  Thus, people would normally react positively to a pleasant person.
2. Offer help.  People who offer help are the ones most appreciated. These people are sensitive to the needs of other people and they make time and effort to be of help. They even go out of their way to help someone. As you help other people, they will try to find a way to return the favor.  Always find ways to help and this will definitely help you develop a positive relationship.

3.      Put on a smile.  Smile is an accessory that is can never be out of fashion. You don't even have to buy it; a smile is free.  Smile like yawning is contagious.  Have you ever experienced smiling even to a stranger and they smiled back at you? Smile is a bridge that builds positive relationships.

 

4.      Call people by name.  A person’s name is the sweetest sound to that person.  Exert an effort to remember people’s names.  It will be very pleasing for an acquaintance if you remember her name only after the first meeting.  She will feel very important and will value her relationship with you.

5. Appreciate and thank people.  Always say, “Thank You” for any favor you receive.  Appreciate the efforts of people around you.

      6. Value people’s time. People have schedules and things to do.  Don’t be late for an      appointment or make them wait unnecessarily.  In fact, if possible, don’t make anyone wait at all.  Arrive at a meeting at least 10 minutes before the time.  This will make them feel important and valued.  This small gesture will be appreciated and help you create a positive relationship.

Need More Time?

Time is the only commodity that all of us have in equal amounts.  No one can boast that they have more than 24 hours in a day.  However, the amount of work or accomplishments that one does during that 24 hour determines the true value of time. 

 

How can you make your 24 hour a day count?  As a single mom, we definitely need more time to accomplish all our tasks.  Here are simple tips on how to accomplish more with your 24 hour a day:

1) Sleep right, sleep tight. You heard it right!  You might say, “But sleeping is idle time.  What can I accomplish by sleeping?” A lot!  You need to sleep right to energize and help you accomplish more.  A sleepy person will not be able to do anything.  The right sleep is something that is not too long nor too short. Based on scientific research, we should be asleep around 10 p.m. to 3 a.m. This is the time when our body starts its natural repair process on our vital organs. You need at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep a day to keep you healthy. The right amount of sleep helps you think clearly and become more productive at work.

2) Plan your day, set your priorities. True, you have so many things to cramp into your 24 hour a day.  But which of these tasks are really important?  If you sit down and think of the things that you hurriedly do everyday, I bet that you will see some tasks that are not necessary; tasks that you could forgo totally or move to another day to make room for more essential tasks.  It could be running to the grocery store to buy milk when in fact you can schedule this on a weekend and buy all the stuff you need for the week. 

Don’t write your plan on stone.  Be flexible as there could be emergencies that might require your immediate attention.  But still, it is imperative that you sit down and write a plan on how to use your time wisely.  Writing a plan will help you determine your priorities. Ask yourself, “What are the top three things that I need to do today?” Before I go to bed at night, I would normally give myself 15 to 20 minutes to evaluate my day.  I use this evaluation to plan my next day.  This technique helps me maximize the use of my limited time. 

 

Time is a commodity that has no price – it is so valuable, so precious that no one can buy or sell time.  No one can bring back the hands of time.  When time is past, it is gone forever.   So do not waste it; don’t be idle.  Rather, make time work for you.

3) Schedule your work according to your energy zone. Are you a morning person or an evening person? Some people are more productive in the early mornings while some work best in the afternoon or at night.  Determine which energy zone you are most efficient and channel your most demanding or difficult work load on these hours.

4) Start your day with God. Matthew 6:33 "But more than anything else, put God first and do what he wants. Then the other things will be yours as well." As Martin Luther (Father of Reformation) said, "I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer." Try this technique and be amazed at the results.

Do you need more time? Get more time by practicing above tips.

Thriving Amidst Single Mom Issues

I know it is difficult but it is possible to thrive amidst single mom issues.  How can you make it possible to have a sane day, everyday?  Physically taking care of the kids, providing their material needs, responding to their emotional needs and guiding them in their social activities are tasks that a single mom needs to lump in her 24 hour day.  The pressure of time and physical exhaustion are enough to cause emotional problems to a single mom.  These are more than enough to drive a single mom crazy.

 

Would you choose this insane way or would you like to know the path to thriving amidst single mom issues?

 

You may not believe it but there is one single and simple answer to thriving amidst single mom issues.  The answer and the secret of most single moms is being right with God.  We can live an abundant life and practically go through the storms of life if we have an abundant life in Jesus Christ.  An abundant life in Jesus Christ is seeing beyond the problems of life and seeking the greater purpose in the issues that we encounter.

 

A single mom’s life is very emotional.  It is full of disappointments.  In times like these our emotions take control over us and in most cases lead us to an even serious problem – our health.  The best way to free us from disappointments is to lean on the power and goodness of Jesus Christ.  Life on earth has a greater purpose, bigger than all issues that we daily encounter. Life on earth is only temporary, look forward to the blessings beyond this life.  Look to the power of God to help you overcome your troubles.

 

You will only be able to use God’s power to overcome life’s issues if you know who your God is.  If your God is big, your problems become small.  Read your Bible daily to see and discover how big our God is.  As you do your daily reading of the Bible, you will discover that the scriptures are not merely words but are medicines for your soul and spirit.  The truth in the Bible will encourage you and lift you up as the daily struggles of being a single mom surround you.

 

Our world is ruled by Satan.  He seeks only to steal to kill and to destroy.  Thus, we experience issues in life such as ending up being a single mom when in fact our dream, our goal was to have a happy family.  Nevertheless, we should not let Satan triumph because our Lord Jesus Christ has won the battle for us.  If we only use Jesus’ power, we can overcome all the issues that we are now experiencing.  Whenever you feel powerless, call on the name of Jesus and rest in His care.

 

Prayer or simply talking to Jesus will also help you thrive amidst the issues of being a single mom. Simply talk to Him, telling Him of all your issues and problems and asking Him to help you and guide you, that you may see the greater purpose in the issues at hand. Do not be weary, instead practice Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

 

Keep moving and thrive because your kids need you and God will help you.  Just ask Him to help you and put your trust in Him.

Feel Good About Yourself

Feel good about yourself!  You deserve it. 

Sometimes, we are our worst enemy!  Why?  Because we tend to push ourselves too much.

We are very cruel to ourselves.  We cling to our every mistake.  We can’t seem to move on from our past errors and missteps.  We are troubled by our unaccomplished dreams and aspirations.  Thus, feeling good about ourselves do not come naturally.

But we need to improve in this area of our lives.  Truly, we, single moms should feel good about ourselves.  We’ve come a long way and have done exceptional deeds.  So if you are one of the single moms who is having an issue about feeling good about yourself, practice the following steps.

1.       Do not compare yourself to other people.  You are unique; your life is unique. Your strengths and weaknesses are not exactly the same as other people.  Even your personal appearance differs from your twin (if you have one).  Your voice like your thumbprint is unique. No one in this planet has exactly the same voice as yours.  Your voice has a certain timbre that allows it to caress, heal and show love.  Remember how your kids respond to your sweet cooing when they are in pain because of a cut they got while playing in the park?

 

Do not compare yourself to other people because this will cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence.  No matter how great and awesome you are, there will always be someone better.  Besides, comparison is not an exact science. It can be subjective at times. So do no compare yourself with other people.  This will only cause you to be unhappy.

 

2.      “Train your brain to be your greatest cheerleader, most compassionate friend and most loving parent rather than your worst critic”, said   Joyce Marter, LCPC, a therapist in Chicago.  This is not encouraging you to be conceited.  Rather, it teaches your brain to be less critical of yourself.   You wouldn’t judge a friend harshly, would you?  You will be patient and understanding to a friend.  So, why would you be so critical about yourself? 

 

3.      Do your best to help other people.  Helping can be in any form, not just materially.  A listening ear to a friend who is emotionally hurting will go a long way.  Giving does not have to be shelling out an enormous amount of cash; though of course if you can afford it, why not?  It is better to give than to receive. Helping and giving brings warmth to the soul.

 

Single mom, it is time to give yourself a break!  Appreciate what you have done.  Feel good about yourself.

Habits of Stress-Free People

We know that stress can kill. Yet, most people do not practice the habits of stress-free people.  In fact a study reveals that only 23 percent of people believe that they manage stress.

These 23% have one thing in common.  They adopt spiritual practices. Scientific research proves that spiritual practices have positive psychological benefits which lead to a stress free life. An article by Ross Douth at the New York Times relates the increase in suicide to less social ties. This article further states that Americans with minimal or no affiliation to a church or synagogue are most likely to be depressed and lonely. Religions have a structure that allows its
members to express their grief, pain, anxiety and guilt.

Following are some of the habits and spiritual practices adopted by the 23% of people who are able to manage stress:
 
Prayer.
Prayer helps us to have a good perspective of life.  It calms us and increases our faith.  It reminds us to step out of our problems to get a better view of the whole scenario. It is basically having a grander perspective, a macro perspective towards finding solutions to life’s challenges.

Church group meet at least once a month.
Another study reveals that joining a church group that meets at least once a month increases our life span.  Meeting, talking, sharing with people our daily struggles is an excellent antidote to depression.  Listening to other people’s success in going through life’s problems are great motivations.

Confession.
Some religions (such as Catholicism), have established a way to free a person from the feeling of guilt, which if not addressed will result to stress. Confession somehow relieves a Catholic of his or her guilt.  Confession gives a Catholic a feeling of relief.  Through the confession, a Catholic can also seek advice from the priest.  Other Christian denomination helps its members through dialogue with their pastors, thereby addressing any pain or anxiety.
 
Spiritual study.
Spiritual study helps church members to process the challenges of life.  There is a partnership between the church and its members gird towards easing the problems of an individual.  Through this partnership, a relationship is built between the  leaders of the church (its teachers and preachers) and its members providing its members with an emotional balance that helps them go through various life challenges.

Sleep.
Studies confirm that we need at least six hours of sleep daily to function at our best.  Though there are exceptions to the rule  like top executives who sleep less than four hours a day; they cannot go on
doing this forever and keep them achieving their goals.

Even machines require shutting down for maintenance; human beings are not wired to work the whole 24 hours everyday.  Normally the results of lack of sleep are shorter attention span, memory problems, impatience and being irritable, moodiness and depression - basically the signs of stress.
 
Rest
Very much related to sleep is the habit of rest.  We were not created to keep working.  Even God rested after six days of creating the world. For workaholics rest is an issue.  But if you want to get rid of stress, you need to practice the habit of rest.

Contrary to what workaholics believe, rest will not diminish your work  performance.  In fact, rest will revitalize and energize your mind and body to make you work faster and smarter.

Rest does not necessarily mean a full day of no activity. A few minutes of deep breathing everyday will nourish our body and soul.  This habit will help us slow down and keep our mind and body calm.

When You Need a Child Custody Lawyer

Not all of us are lucky because our kids landed on our laps.  Our ex-husband just chose to leave us and our kids.  Some single moms though, have to fight for their children because the ex do not want to leave the kids with the wife.  He wants the kids to be with him and his new partner.

In cases such as this, the single mom must be very adept in finding a lawyer that will help her win the battle for child custody.  Of course if you are struggling financially, the lawyer’s fee will be an issue but cross the bridge when you get there.  Don’t think of the cost at this moment, focus first on the qualities of a custody lawyer who will win your case.

The first thing to do is to ask for referrals. When looking for a good lawyer, it can be very helpful to ask friends and family for their recommendations.

Normally, we look for “ideal skills” in a lawyer - good listening, writing and speaking abilities; an excellent knowledge of the law; prior court experience. We may also consider toughness and sometimes ruthlessness as qualities of a good lawyer.   

More than a lawyer’s accomplishments and skills, it is ideal that the lawyer you work with is someone who knows the backend.  That is, the lawyer must know the judge well and that he or she has a good relationship with the judge.  Such a lawyer will be able to tell what the judge has done in cases similar to yours.  The lawyer will be able to tell you what the judge cares about and what he or she takes for granted.  The lawyer knows when the judge is in a good mood or not.  Practically, this lawyer knows how to “manipulate” to win your case.

Whether your prospect lawyer was referred or not, it is important that you meet the lawyer for an initial consultation before deciding to hire him or her. Note that some lawyers ask for consultation fee so ask this question before scheduling a meeting. 

Be prepared during the consultation.  You will be asking a number of questions in a short period of time, so it is best to make a list of these questions.  Don’t be ashamed to ask about credentials like how long has he or she been litigating custody cases in your area.  What is the success rate?  The final question is about the attorney’s fee.

How does the lawyer charge?  Flat rates or hourly fees? What is the estimated the total cost? How long will this take to fully resolve? Keep in mind that you will end up paying a lawyer for more than just the time they spend on your case. If applicable to your case, you may have to pay them for phone costs, traveling costs, and even costs to make copies. Take this into consideration when making a financial plan.

On the next meeting you must feel comfortable talking to him or her about the details of your case.  Good lawyers aren't just knowledgeable and intelligent, but they have good people skills and can make you at ease and willing to open up on personal matters.

When you fight for the custody of your children, you are fighting to win.  Therefore, get the best lawyer possible. 

 

 

Stressful or Stress-Free?

Stress, a small six letter word that weighs a ton.  True, stress can be positive because it can make you stand on your toes and do your utmost to accomplish your task.  However, in most cases and for most people stress is positioned on the negative side.  Stress can lead to anxiety and depression. But there are ways to make your life stress-free and avoid stressful days.

Reducing clutter in your life will automatically reduce some amount of stress. It may be your desk, your pantry or closet, or anything that's over cluttering your physical environment makes work harder. The clutter makes it harder to find things and it is unpleasant to look at.  By cleaning up clutter you can operate more efficiently, enjoy your surroundings more and simply be less stressed.

To help cut down on your stresses, just say no. If you try to do everything that is asked of you, it will quickly cause stress in your life. Set limits and be clear, you cannot please everyone all the time, so stop trying or your stress will continue.

One great tip for relieving stress is clearly know and define your priorities in life, as they will help you stay focused on what must be accomplished. When you lose sight of your goals and priorities, you will become unfocused, confused, and go off track, which will easily result in stress.

Eat food that will make you feel positive about yourself and build your body. Eating lifeless and fatty fast food will stress you out. Don't think that the food that you eat has nothing to do with the way you feel and why you are stressed. Even if you crave the sugar or fat, these kinds of foods only lead to making you feel worse.

To lower your stress levels make sure you exercise at least three to five times each week for thirty minutes each session. The exercise can be anything from running and swimming to simply a daily walk. Exercise has the benefit of releasing endorphins, chemicals that enhance your mood, making it a great way to de-stress at the end of a hectic day.

A great tip that can help you keep your stress levels down is to count to ten when you're feeling really stressed out. You don't want to act on your impulses when you're stressed because they can lead to ugly consequences. Taking a little time out can help you regather your thoughts.

If you can't get to the calming beach, imagine you are there. Studies have shown that visualizing calm situations is a great stress reducer in itself. Next time you begin to feel overwhelmed, take five minutes and imagine yourself in a soothing bath, on a sun drenched beach or in a beautiful forest. You may find the stress a little less overwhelming.

In order to deal with stress at work consider getting a stress ball. This is a great way to privately and quietly deal with your stress. The exertion used on a stress ball will at least help to deal with stress in a manner that allows both you and your co-workers to go about your day.

 

It goes without saying that life is best lived in stress-free than stressful days.