Disappointment

I am Ms. Planner. I plan a lot because I believe in the saying that the person who fails to plan, plans to fail. However, with the plans come disappointments. Making a plan is not an assurance that you will not fail… that you will not be disappointed. No human being has been spared of disappointment; disappointment is a fact of life. I admit it; I have had my share of severe disappointments that if I was not able to overcome could have devastated me and ruined my life. Actually, for a while my severe disappointment did take a toll on me. But thanks to my support system, I was able to see through that disappointment.

Just recently, I felt that I am on the road of disappointment again. I was so frustrated of my son’s lack of focus on his career. I am so afraid that if he doesn’t find the right path, it will destroy his entire life. I guess mothers fear more when the future of their kids is at stake.  

Today, I would like to share with you some tips on how to overcome disappointment.  This is my way of talking to myself and get that healing in the process.

Disappoint happens to everyone.
You are not alone. You may not know it but your neighbor could have or is suffering more disappointment than you are now experiencing. They have had losses and setbacks. Throw a pity party but don’t stay too long in the party. Grieve over your disappointment but get up and forgive those who have disappointed you and forgive yourself.

Do not compare yourself with other people.
When I look back and try to understand the root cause of my disappointment, I realize that my disappointment is more of pride. I compare myself to friends and family who I think are better off than me - have better spouses/partners, better off financially, better family, etc. I fail to count my blessings and accept that we are all unique individuals and lead different lives. Comparing yourself with other people will only increase your disappointment and decrease your contentment.

Change your focus.
Count your blessings and not your disappointments. You will be surprised to find out that you have more blessings than disappointments. Do not focus on the negative. You can’t turn back the hands of time but you can flip the chart to make your success story. Write down your feelings and be honest; be brutally honest. Vent if you have to because it is important to work through the emotions you are experiencing. Don’t hold back your emotions but be very choosy on whom to show your rant. If you can’t find a confidant who will help you and listen to you, it is better to just write your feelings. After ranting, focus on the positives. Recount them to your friend and write them down. This will help you keep your focus on the positive side of any disappointment.

When you fall down, pick yourself up and move forward.
Author Les Brown said, “Anytime you suffer a setback or disappointment, put your head down and plow ahead.” It does not matter where you fell and how hard you fell; what is important is that you stood up, brushed yourself and moved on. Learn from your mistake.

Sometimes you need to adjust your expectations.
Moms always have high hopes for their children. Sometimes our children have different dreams and plans; probably such dreams are of a different level than yours.  Learn to accept and adjust your expectations.  After doing your best, be contented with the outcome. What is important is that you did your best. Be thankful and celebrate your achievements regardless of how small or big they are.

Dream again.

You may not have reached what you wanted but that should not stop you from dreaming again. Keep on dreaming and planning for what you believe is a good life. If you did not reach it through road 1, try another path; try another approach.

Never let disappointment derail you life. Do not crouch on disappointments because if you do, it could ruin your life. Accept disappointments to foolproof your life with happiness.