Find Strength from Your Bad Past

Life is simply unpredictable … you just don’t know what it will throw at you.  What will happen to you should life hit you with adversity? Did you know that Stephen Colbert, the well-known comedian, actor, and TV host, had a bad past? 

Stephen has his own version of 911.  On September 11, when Stephen was just ten years old, the plane that he, his father and two brothers boarded crash landed in Charlotte, North Carolina, killing Stephen’s father and his brothers.  Stephen was among the ten survivors of that ill-fated plan ride. 

That bad past haunted the early years of Stephen’s life.  As a child he internalized the pain of the experience. In an interview with Oprah, he said that the bad past became part of his identity.  It was something lodged deep inside him that he feels no one else could fully comprehend. During his freshman year in college, he lost weight at an alarming rate because of his depression.

So you might say that probably Stephen chose to become a comedian to hide his pain.  Quite the contrary; he said he became a comedian because he was able to learn to see pain as a blessing.  According to him, pain taught him to know joy, to draw strength from love and to cherish what truly matters in life.

Joy is not the same as happiness.  Happiness is a mood, dependent on circumstance.  Joy is an enduring quality shaped by choice.  Stephen confessed, “Joy can be hard.” It is difficult but possible to have this state of mind.  Stephen decided to view life as comedy rather than as tragedy.  He searches for life’s humor and looks for laughter in every situation.  He keeps a card on his desk “Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God.”

Stephen drew strength from his mother’s love.  His mom taught him to be grateful for his life no matter what life throws at him.  He said, “What she taught me is that the deliverance God offers you from pain is not [the absence of] pain — it’s that the pain is actually a gift. That’s directly related to the image of Christ on the cross and the example of sacrifice that he gave us. I’m not bitter about what happened to me as a child, and my mother was instrumental in keeping me from being so.”

Cherish what truly matters in life.  Your being alive is an opportunity to turn the tide around – to correct the bad past, to learn from the bad experience and have a brighter future.  Only you have the right to make a choice on what you want to do with this opportunity.  You need to embrace optimism but at the same time realize that optimism will not automatically change your present situation. Optimism is not like “the Force” in Star Wars that magically bends the laws of nature.  However, optimism will change your attitude and outlook. Optimism will make you face life with a predisposition to actively look for, believe, and anticipate the best possible outcome in every situation --this is what truly matters in life.  This will help you find strength from your bad past.

It is said that “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” That is not the case in life.  Most often bad experiences leave us angry, confused, hurt, or depressed. Bad past threatens to make us weak.  It’s not the bad past itself—but your response to bad past—that can strengthen you. Bad past doesn’t necessarily make you stronger, but it is guaranteed to change you. It’s up to you to you find strength from your bad past or wallow in pure frustration and depression.

Cooking with Kids

I love spending time with my kids.  In fact, I always look for opportunities and even create opportunities just to spend time with them.  One of the most enjoyable things we did when they were young was to cook meals with them. 

Cooking with kids will help you train them in one of the basic and necessary tasks at home.  Cooking with kids will also help you to help your children express their creative side and encourage them in doing tasks that they will enjoy.  Who knows, you might have a brilliant chef in your home or a great painter.

Of course, prior to the ultimate task of cooking with kids, you need to involve them in the preparatory steps.  Plan at least 1 meal with your kids.  Sit down with them and allow them to go through your cookbook.  Allow them to choose what they want to have for dinner or dessert on your cooking time with them.

The next step is to take them to the market to buy the stuff you need for your meal.  This is another way of spending time with your kids.  You will enjoy your short walk to the market or the grocery, talking and teaching them the value of the food that you select -- how this particular fruit, vegetable and meat will help in nourishing your body.  You can also use this time to teach your kids about the value of wise spending and budgeting.

The next scene is the kitchen.  Depending on the age of your kids, you can allow them to help with various cooking activities like mixing, measuring, cutting, rinsing, etc. At this step, you teach not just your kids but yourself too.  You need to practice patience and tolerance.  There could be a big mess in your kitchen but remember that the mess is nothing compared to the fun, excitement and joy that your kids are having.  Looking into their faces and you will forget the mess around you.  Enjoy the moment as this will not last forever.  Kids grow so fast that this experience looking back would seem like it was just yesterday (as in my case, I now have grown ups but I cherish the moments when we were cooking together).

Be like a real school teacher.  Have them read to you the cooking instructions.  This exercise is an enjoyable way of honing your kids reading and comprehension skills. I kid you not, if your children do not want to practice reading their school book, you can start them by reading your recipes.

Cooking with kids is a fun way of spending time with your children.  Make it a habit to spend time with your kids, help them to grow and mature in the way that is pleasing to God.  Teach them good manners, nurture their spirits and their minds, motivate and encourage them to have goals and achieve these goals.

Happy cooking with kids. 

Don't Get Stuck with Bad Choices

For whatever reason, we at one point in our life may make the wrong choice.  Stress, bad influence, wrong crowd, peer pressure can cause an individual to lose control of her life. We are only human beings, prone to make mistakes. That is the reason there is such a word as “regret”.  You will make mistakes but your bad choices do not define you.  No one has the right to call you a “loser” unless you allow them to.  Regret your bad choices; don’t get stuck with bad choices. Move on and start making the right choices.

Evaluate the situation. What made you make the wrong choice?  You should not put the blame on yourself only; although you made the choice, external forces may have caused you to make that choice.  In fact quit blaming yourself or anyone else.  What’s done is done; blaming won’t change your situation.

Stop crying over spilled milk and quit your pity party. Do not wallow in the mud long; long enough that you start to feel at ease with your bad situation.  Don’t wallow in your wrong choice and cause you to sink deeper into more bad choices.

Apologize to people you’ve hurt or were affected because of your bad choice.  Your situation as a result of your bad choice will not cause the world to end.  Apologize and do your best to make up for your bad choice.  

Take action to change your situation for the better.  Make changes in your life that will help you be more stable. Make the necessary changes in your path, so that you will not fall and make the same bad choices. You will not be in that situation if you don’t want to.  You will not be in an awful situation if you do not allow yourself to be in it.  No one can change you; only you can make a decision to change and not get stuck with your bad choice.

Avoid people or environments that cause you to make bad choices.  Instead, surround yourself with people who are positive influences; people who will help and guide you to make sound and right decisions. Don’t get stuck with bad choices.  Do your best not to commit the same mistake again and again.  Forget the past, learn from the past; learn from your mistakes.

Life Lessons

Life is a journey; a journey is exciting.  Your journey in life can be exciting if you learn life lessons.


I've learned that if you want a life less than ordinary, you have to be less than ordinary. Do not be complacent if you want an extra ordinary life.  Be happy with small achievements and use these are encouragements to get you to your extra ordinary life. Get out of your comfort zones; do extra ordinary things and you will live a less than ordinary life. Do not be afraid to thread to a different job or put up your own business. You have the power to change your circumstances.  Just say yes and never look back; look ahead, move forward.  If you want to be financially free, don't imprison yourself with your 8 to 5 job. Look for a passive income, like doing business online.  Soon your online business will earn you more income than your 8 to 5 job.


I've learned not to entertain negative comments from people.  Sad to say, most of these folks are people close to you.  They are family members and friends.  These people know you well and they know of your past failures. But people change; circumstances change.  Your past failures can make you a better person, able to achieve greater things.  Oftentimes, when we push ourselves to a new goal, we hear unsupportive comments.  This is most especially true if you are already earning a comfortable income.  Some people do not understand that being financially free also means having free time -- a free time to spend on yourself and do what you want and a free time to spend with your kids without worrying about finances. Having financial freedom means you can enjoy time with your family while dollars are coming in to your bank account. Do not entertain criticisms or comments that will discourage you.  Pessimists aren't telling you what you can't do; they are telling you what they can't do. People who tell you that it is better to hold an 8 to 5 job, have not attempted (or are not capable) to build a passive income.


I've learned that spending more time with people of like minds will help me achieve my goal.  These people are a source of encouragement and will uplift you should you encounter a block in the road.  The journey of life is a journey through plains, hills, forests and mountains.  You need someone to help you and push you when you are in the valley. Do not be ashamed to ask for help and for a push.  We all need somebody.


I've learned not to give up because success is just one street closer.  Sometimes fatigue, pressure, criticisms cause us to give up our goals.  Do not succumb to this temptation because your goal could just be very near.  Do not live feeling sorry, thinking "what could have happened if I did not give up?" People who win do not give up; only losers give up.


I learned that I can do anything that I set my mind into.  Nothing is impossible as long as you focus your heart and soul to your goal.  Focus will make you go against all odds to achieve your objective. Everything is possible; do not delimit yourself.

Success

Success has several meanings, the most common of which is related to financial independence.  If you are my age and have devoted your time and energy to earning a decent income to provide for your kids, you might say, “I’ve arrived, I’ve made it, I am successful”. There is no shame in saying this and I believe we will encourage young single moms if we admit that despite all the issues we’ve encountered, we can consider ourselves a success. 

Let me know if you agree with me in the following ways I used (and continue to use) to maneuver to success/financial independence and not get stuck with the issues at hand. 

There is no doubt that being a single mom you will most likely lack energy, time, and enthusiasm. Surely, at some point someone said something that deflated your spirit and made you think your goal wasn’t achievable at all. I want to encourage you to move ahead and face whatever is hindering you toward the goal that you so deeply desire - be it financial freedom or something else.  Reaching whatever goal you desire will mean success for you.

Refuse to say “no” to obstacles toward achieving great goals.  There will be times when other things, perhaps even necessary things, cause us to detour. But even at those moments, refuse to deny your dream or derail your determination. Pick up where you left off and continue to the path toward your goal.

Discouragement happens to everyone.  Refuse getting stuck and felling down.  Nothing is accomplished by sitting around and saying, “I’m stuck. This will not work.  This is impossible!” You’ll just get even more mired in inaction. Reviewing and writing down a list of big and small items that all lead you to where you are now will help you plan your next action to winning and becoming successful. Progress can’t be made if you allow yourself to get stuck.

Celebrate your small successes and make this your spring board to the greater goal. The big celebration, the culmination of all your efforts, will be in achieving that ultimate goal. But along the way, you succeed in incremental ways, completing tasks and taking steps that all lead toward your central goal. Celebrate those achievements, so that you can feel like a winner even before you’ve reached your true destination/your ultimate goal.

Be wary of complacency.  Sometimes the small successes along the way can make us complacent and contented with what we have achieved so far.  Do not lose sight of the bigger and grander goal you have set in the first place. Remember that spark; remember when your heart pounded so strong and fast as you started making plans for your goal.  What inspired you to start off toward your goal in the first place? Sometimes, the farther we get from that beginning, the easier it is to forget the exciting, energizing beginning. Revisit that time, feel once again that enthusiasm and take it with you where you are in your road to your goal.

Here’s to your success today and everyday.

Time Management

Technology is supposed to make life easier but because of technology the way we live today has become so fast paced.  This is the reason why a lot of experts are teaching about time management.  We all need to learn about time management and I do attend courses and seminars on time management but I like it best and learn more from coaches who personally experience the speed of life on a race track.  These people are no other than the single moms.

Here are some techniques I learned from single moms about time management and how they are able to keep everyone sane despite the chaos of living on a race track.

Get organized.  To manage time, the first and most important thing to consider is how to get organized. Before going to bed at night, evaluate your activities during the day.  What went well, what did not.  Based on this evaluation, plan your next day. Plan according to what is important and needs to be prioritized.  Schedule the important and priorities at the time of the day when you are in high energy.  This will help you do these important and priority tasks fast and with quality.

Make time to organize your home and your personal stuff.  Having to look for things is a waste of your precious time.  Make it a habit to put things in the same place so you don't have to look for them.  Teach the same to your kids.  Ask them to return the nail cutter in its specific drawer after using it.
Keeping things in their designated places will not only save you time but it will free you of frustration and possible commotion at home.  One of the most common things that we spend time looking for are car keys.  Designate a place at home and even on our bag for your car keys.

Set house rules.  You need your kids' cooperation to help you manage your time.  Dirty shoes should not be worn inside the house.  This will save you cleaning time. Train your kids to help in simple house chores like dish washing, tending the yard and cleaning your home.  This will free you time to do other things.

Stop procrastinating.  Making a plan may be easy; breaking your plan is even easier.  You must have the discipline to keep to your plan unless extremely necessary.  Putting off things you don't want to do will not make them go away.  Procrastination will make you do other things that aren't really necessary and important, causing you to waste more time. Procrastination is a domino effect.  It can keep you from doing all your tasks, even your important and priority activities.

Plan ahead.  You don't have to stop by the grocery store every day.  Do this at the most once a week and choose a week where there are not so many customers in the store.  This will save you time in queuing at the cashier.  Before you go to the grocery store, you must have your grocery list to speed up picking up the items and help you remember all you need. It is also best to go to the same grocery store so that you would know where the things you need are kept and avoid wasting time looking through shelves.

These are just some simple time management tips I've learned and practice as a single mom.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day.  This year, all over the world we celebrate Mother's Day on the 12th of May.

Our generation has brought so much commercialism in the celebration of Mother's Day. Nevertheless, I still believe that the true meaning of Mother's Day is not drenched by these celebrations. We honestly and with all our hearts poured out, honor our moms on this special day.

So, no matter how simple or lavish your celebration may be, I would like to greet all mothers a happy Mother's Day and honor you with some of my favorite quotes about mothers.

No language can express the power, and beauty, and heroism, and majesty of a mother's love.  It shrinks not where man cowers, and grows stronger where man faints, and over wastes of worldly fortunes sends the radiance of its quenchless fidelity like a star. - Edwin Hubbell Chapin

A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary. –Dorothy Canfield Fisher

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss, at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness. -Honore de Balzac

Mothers hold their children’s hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. –Unknown

A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie. –Tenneva Jordan

If you bungle raising your children, I don't think whatever else you do well matters very much. -Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life. -Abraham Lincoln

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. - Sam Levenson

Mother's love is peace. It need not be acquired, it need not be deserved. - Erich Fromm

A mother's arms are made of tenderness, and children sleep soundly in them. -Victor Hugo

I love my mother as the trees love water and sunshine--she helps me grow, prosper, and reach great heights. -Adabella Radici

My mom is a never-ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune.- Graycie Harmon

A mother’s love! O holy, boundless thing! Fountain whose waters never cease to spring! -Marguerite Gardiner

We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future. -Franklin D. Roosevelt

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. -Elizabeth Stone

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories. -John Wilmot

Children are a great comfort in your old age — and they help you reach it faster, too. -Lionel Kauffman

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings. -Hodding Carter, Jr.