Handling Your Teenagers

Parenting is difficult. There are no schools that teach how to rear children nor do we have life examples to follow. Otherwise, we would not have grandparents who spoil our children because they feel that they were not good parents and now would like to correct their mistakes through their grandchildren; unmindful of our feelings that they are overdoing it. Also, today's cultural difference from previous generations makes following life examples not possible.

There is no doubt about it, raising children is difficult; actually, handling teenagers is a feat with two parents and handling teenagers with just the mom is a hurdle. Regardless of the situation how the single mom ended up to be a single mother – death, divorce, abandonment – she now has to fill-in the role of the father too.

There is no quick-fix solution or generic recommendation on how to handle your teenagers.  Every situation requires a specific suggestion to address the daunting task. But we can follow some basic steps to help you in handling your teenagers:

1.    Set rules

Your teenagers must know your house rules and the consequences of not following them.  In setting your rules, make sure you discuss this with them and make changes if really necessary.  You need to get their feedback on the rules you plan to implement.  They must have a buy-in to your rules.  There must be an agreement or consensus if really necessary.

2.    Do not be too lenient

Now that you have a consensus, do not be lenient.  Rules are not made to be broken.  If they fail to follow your rules they must accept the consequences. 

3.    Give time to your kids.

One of the major challenges of most single moms is financial issues.  Though you are very much preoccupied with earning a living for your family, you must not do away with time for your teenagers.  You can always find time to ask them about their day during dinner.  In fact, this is one of the rules that you must make.  Your teenagers must be home at a specific time and you must have dinner together.

4.    Talk to them about critical issues.

Do not be afraid to talk about teenage sex or drugs.  Your teenagers must know that you are aware of these pressing issues in our society and that your intention is for them to avoid temptations and peer pressures that will lead them to make decisions which they will regret in the future. 

5.    Be aware of their friends

Lead them to choose good company.  Know their friends and befriend their peers.  Should problems arise, you would know who to contact.  You might also get information from their friends should your teenagers become secretive.

Though you and your teenager are from a different generation, you were a teenager once.  Recall your past and how you felt at that time and do your best to understand your teenager to better enable you to handle your teenager.