Thriving Amidst Single Mom Issues

I know it is difficult but it is possible to thrive amidst single mom issues.  How can you make it possible to have a sane day, everyday?  Physically taking care of the kids, providing their material needs, responding to their emotional needs and guiding them in their social activities are tasks that a single mom needs to lump in her 24 hour day.  The pressure of time and physical exhaustion are enough to cause emotional problems to a single mom.  These are more than enough to drive a single mom crazy.

 

Would you choose this insane way or would you like to know the path to thriving amidst single mom issues?

 

You may not believe it but there is one single and simple answer to thriving amidst single mom issues.  The answer and the secret of most single moms is being right with God.  We can live an abundant life and practically go through the storms of life if we have an abundant life in Jesus Christ.  An abundant life in Jesus Christ is seeing beyond the problems of life and seeking the greater purpose in the issues that we encounter.

 

A single mom’s life is very emotional.  It is full of disappointments.  In times like these our emotions take control over us and in most cases lead us to an even serious problem – our health.  The best way to free us from disappointments is to lean on the power and goodness of Jesus Christ.  Life on earth has a greater purpose, bigger than all issues that we daily encounter. Life on earth is only temporary, look forward to the blessings beyond this life.  Look to the power of God to help you overcome your troubles.

 

You will only be able to use God’s power to overcome life’s issues if you know who your God is.  If your God is big, your problems become small.  Read your Bible daily to see and discover how big our God is.  As you do your daily reading of the Bible, you will discover that the scriptures are not merely words but are medicines for your soul and spirit.  The truth in the Bible will encourage you and lift you up as the daily struggles of being a single mom surround you.

 

Our world is ruled by Satan.  He seeks only to steal to kill and to destroy.  Thus, we experience issues in life such as ending up being a single mom when in fact our dream, our goal was to have a happy family.  Nevertheless, we should not let Satan triumph because our Lord Jesus Christ has won the battle for us.  If we only use Jesus’ power, we can overcome all the issues that we are now experiencing.  Whenever you feel powerless, call on the name of Jesus and rest in His care.

 

Prayer or simply talking to Jesus will also help you thrive amidst the issues of being a single mom. Simply talk to Him, telling Him of all your issues and problems and asking Him to help you and guide you, that you may see the greater purpose in the issues at hand. Do not be weary, instead practice Philippians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

 

Keep moving and thrive because your kids need you and God will help you.  Just ask Him to help you and put your trust in Him.

Feel Good About Yourself

Feel good about yourself!  You deserve it. 

Sometimes, we are our worst enemy!  Why?  Because we tend to push ourselves too much.

We are very cruel to ourselves.  We cling to our every mistake.  We can’t seem to move on from our past errors and missteps.  We are troubled by our unaccomplished dreams and aspirations.  Thus, feeling good about ourselves do not come naturally.

But we need to improve in this area of our lives.  Truly, we, single moms should feel good about ourselves.  We’ve come a long way and have done exceptional deeds.  So if you are one of the single moms who is having an issue about feeling good about yourself, practice the following steps.

1.       Do not compare yourself to other people.  You are unique; your life is unique. Your strengths and weaknesses are not exactly the same as other people.  Even your personal appearance differs from your twin (if you have one).  Your voice like your thumbprint is unique. No one in this planet has exactly the same voice as yours.  Your voice has a certain timbre that allows it to caress, heal and show love.  Remember how your kids respond to your sweet cooing when they are in pain because of a cut they got while playing in the park?

 

Do not compare yourself to other people because this will cause you to lose your self-esteem and confidence.  No matter how great and awesome you are, there will always be someone better.  Besides, comparison is not an exact science. It can be subjective at times. So do no compare yourself with other people.  This will only cause you to be unhappy.

 

2.      “Train your brain to be your greatest cheerleader, most compassionate friend and most loving parent rather than your worst critic”, said   Joyce Marter, LCPC, a therapist in Chicago.  This is not encouraging you to be conceited.  Rather, it teaches your brain to be less critical of yourself.   You wouldn’t judge a friend harshly, would you?  You will be patient and understanding to a friend.  So, why would you be so critical about yourself? 

 

3.      Do your best to help other people.  Helping can be in any form, not just materially.  A listening ear to a friend who is emotionally hurting will go a long way.  Giving does not have to be shelling out an enormous amount of cash; though of course if you can afford it, why not?  It is better to give than to receive. Helping and giving brings warmth to the soul.

 

Single mom, it is time to give yourself a break!  Appreciate what you have done.  Feel good about yourself.

Habits of Stress-Free People

We know that stress can kill. Yet, most people do not practice the habits of stress-free people.  In fact a study reveals that only 23 percent of people believe that they manage stress.

These 23% have one thing in common.  They adopt spiritual practices. Scientific research proves that spiritual practices have positive psychological benefits which lead to a stress free life. An article by Ross Douth at the New York Times relates the increase in suicide to less social ties. This article further states that Americans with minimal or no affiliation to a church or synagogue are most likely to be depressed and lonely. Religions have a structure that allows its
members to express their grief, pain, anxiety and guilt.

Following are some of the habits and spiritual practices adopted by the 23% of people who are able to manage stress:
 
Prayer.
Prayer helps us to have a good perspective of life.  It calms us and increases our faith.  It reminds us to step out of our problems to get a better view of the whole scenario. It is basically having a grander perspective, a macro perspective towards finding solutions to life’s challenges.

Church group meet at least once a month.
Another study reveals that joining a church group that meets at least once a month increases our life span.  Meeting, talking, sharing with people our daily struggles is an excellent antidote to depression.  Listening to other people’s success in going through life’s problems are great motivations.

Confession.
Some religions (such as Catholicism), have established a way to free a person from the feeling of guilt, which if not addressed will result to stress. Confession somehow relieves a Catholic of his or her guilt.  Confession gives a Catholic a feeling of relief.  Through the confession, a Catholic can also seek advice from the priest.  Other Christian denomination helps its members through dialogue with their pastors, thereby addressing any pain or anxiety.
 
Spiritual study.
Spiritual study helps church members to process the challenges of life.  There is a partnership between the church and its members gird towards easing the problems of an individual.  Through this partnership, a relationship is built between the  leaders of the church (its teachers and preachers) and its members providing its members with an emotional balance that helps them go through various life challenges.

Sleep.
Studies confirm that we need at least six hours of sleep daily to function at our best.  Though there are exceptions to the rule  like top executives who sleep less than four hours a day; they cannot go on
doing this forever and keep them achieving their goals.

Even machines require shutting down for maintenance; human beings are not wired to work the whole 24 hours everyday.  Normally the results of lack of sleep are shorter attention span, memory problems, impatience and being irritable, moodiness and depression - basically the signs of stress.
 
Rest
Very much related to sleep is the habit of rest.  We were not created to keep working.  Even God rested after six days of creating the world. For workaholics rest is an issue.  But if you want to get rid of stress, you need to practice the habit of rest.

Contrary to what workaholics believe, rest will not diminish your work  performance.  In fact, rest will revitalize and energize your mind and body to make you work faster and smarter.

Rest does not necessarily mean a full day of no activity. A few minutes of deep breathing everyday will nourish our body and soul.  This habit will help us slow down and keep our mind and body calm.

When You Need a Child Custody Lawyer

Not all of us are lucky because our kids landed on our laps.  Our ex-husband just chose to leave us and our kids.  Some single moms though, have to fight for their children because the ex do not want to leave the kids with the wife.  He wants the kids to be with him and his new partner.

In cases such as this, the single mom must be very adept in finding a lawyer that will help her win the battle for child custody.  Of course if you are struggling financially, the lawyer’s fee will be an issue but cross the bridge when you get there.  Don’t think of the cost at this moment, focus first on the qualities of a custody lawyer who will win your case.

The first thing to do is to ask for referrals. When looking for a good lawyer, it can be very helpful to ask friends and family for their recommendations.

Normally, we look for “ideal skills” in a lawyer - good listening, writing and speaking abilities; an excellent knowledge of the law; prior court experience. We may also consider toughness and sometimes ruthlessness as qualities of a good lawyer.   

More than a lawyer’s accomplishments and skills, it is ideal that the lawyer you work with is someone who knows the backend.  That is, the lawyer must know the judge well and that he or she has a good relationship with the judge.  Such a lawyer will be able to tell what the judge has done in cases similar to yours.  The lawyer will be able to tell you what the judge cares about and what he or she takes for granted.  The lawyer knows when the judge is in a good mood or not.  Practically, this lawyer knows how to “manipulate” to win your case.

Whether your prospect lawyer was referred or not, it is important that you meet the lawyer for an initial consultation before deciding to hire him or her. Note that some lawyers ask for consultation fee so ask this question before scheduling a meeting. 

Be prepared during the consultation.  You will be asking a number of questions in a short period of time, so it is best to make a list of these questions.  Don’t be ashamed to ask about credentials like how long has he or she been litigating custody cases in your area.  What is the success rate?  The final question is about the attorney’s fee.

How does the lawyer charge?  Flat rates or hourly fees? What is the estimated the total cost? How long will this take to fully resolve? Keep in mind that you will end up paying a lawyer for more than just the time they spend on your case. If applicable to your case, you may have to pay them for phone costs, traveling costs, and even costs to make copies. Take this into consideration when making a financial plan.

On the next meeting you must feel comfortable talking to him or her about the details of your case.  Good lawyers aren't just knowledgeable and intelligent, but they have good people skills and can make you at ease and willing to open up on personal matters.

When you fight for the custody of your children, you are fighting to win.  Therefore, get the best lawyer possible. 

 

 

Stressful or Stress-Free?

Stress, a small six letter word that weighs a ton.  True, stress can be positive because it can make you stand on your toes and do your utmost to accomplish your task.  However, in most cases and for most people stress is positioned on the negative side.  Stress can lead to anxiety and depression. But there are ways to make your life stress-free and avoid stressful days.

Reducing clutter in your life will automatically reduce some amount of stress. It may be your desk, your pantry or closet, or anything that's over cluttering your physical environment makes work harder. The clutter makes it harder to find things and it is unpleasant to look at.  By cleaning up clutter you can operate more efficiently, enjoy your surroundings more and simply be less stressed.

To help cut down on your stresses, just say no. If you try to do everything that is asked of you, it will quickly cause stress in your life. Set limits and be clear, you cannot please everyone all the time, so stop trying or your stress will continue.

One great tip for relieving stress is clearly know and define your priorities in life, as they will help you stay focused on what must be accomplished. When you lose sight of your goals and priorities, you will become unfocused, confused, and go off track, which will easily result in stress.

Eat food that will make you feel positive about yourself and build your body. Eating lifeless and fatty fast food will stress you out. Don't think that the food that you eat has nothing to do with the way you feel and why you are stressed. Even if you crave the sugar or fat, these kinds of foods only lead to making you feel worse.

To lower your stress levels make sure you exercise at least three to five times each week for thirty minutes each session. The exercise can be anything from running and swimming to simply a daily walk. Exercise has the benefit of releasing endorphins, chemicals that enhance your mood, making it a great way to de-stress at the end of a hectic day.

A great tip that can help you keep your stress levels down is to count to ten when you're feeling really stressed out. You don't want to act on your impulses when you're stressed because they can lead to ugly consequences. Taking a little time out can help you regather your thoughts.

If you can't get to the calming beach, imagine you are there. Studies have shown that visualizing calm situations is a great stress reducer in itself. Next time you begin to feel overwhelmed, take five minutes and imagine yourself in a soothing bath, on a sun drenched beach or in a beautiful forest. You may find the stress a little less overwhelming.

In order to deal with stress at work consider getting a stress ball. This is a great way to privately and quietly deal with your stress. The exertion used on a stress ball will at least help to deal with stress in a manner that allows both you and your co-workers to go about your day.

 

It goes without saying that life is best lived in stress-free than stressful days.

Healing Your Hurts

No one wants to be in pain, in hurt.  We all want to forget the pain and heal the hurt. However, in most instances it is very difficult to get healing from your hurt.  It is just human nature to stay in an environment of pain for a certain period of time.  This is perfectly alright because that time will allow you to contemplate on the issue and this deep thinking will help you get your healing.  But it becomes a concern if you stay in your hurt environment for a prolonged period of time.  Being in such a situation may lead to a serious problem of depression.  You need to get healing for your hurt.

Here are some proven methods to get you past your hurt and on the road to recovery:

1.       Pray.  Prayer is simply talking to God, telling Him about your feelings.  Yes, God knows everything but this practice is not for the benefit of God.  This is for you.  You need to tell him the pain you are experiencing and ask help to get pass the hurt.  Ask Him to help you move forward from your hurtful past.

2.      Forgive.  Let go of your grudges. I know this is difficult but you need to try it.  Little by little you will be able to let go and forgive.  Quit thinking of the past.  Stop thinking of how the person has hurt you.  Stop re-enacting in your mind the drama of your life.  Instead of wasting your time thinking of how it hurts, put your time to better use. Make yourself busy.  When you feel that your mind is driving you to think of the hurt, stand up and pick on something to do like gardening, exercising, reading.  Pick on a hobby that will take your mind off the bad past.

3.      Be around people who love you. Make sure that you surround yourself with people who care for you.  Enjoy your time with them.  Chat, play games, go out, etc. with people who value you.  Their presence will delight you; their words will uplift and encourage you.

4.      If the situation calls for it, change your environment.  You might want to move to another house, re-decorate or refrain from going to the places you used to frequent that brings back bad memories.

5.       Join groups or organizations whose members have the same dilemma as you.  Learn from their experiences.  It helps a lot when people share and encourage one another.

6.      Now if these simple suggestions do not work, you might want to consider getting professional help.  Probably your pain is deeper and you have stayed a long time in your pity and resentment chamber, you would need a professional to talk you out of your hurts.  The professional need not be a psychologist but pastors and counselors also provide excellent support.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father’s Day to all the dads who courageously are taking on their role as dad and head of the family.  I congratulate fathers who are bringing up their children to be good members of society.  Fathers who are good role models to their children, happy Father’s Day.

I have been receiving “Happy Father’s Day” greetings from well-meaning friends and family since the year I turned into a single mom.  I appreciate the kind gesture for it makes me feel that somehow I have done more than just being a mom.  I know that their intention is to encourage and honor me.  Today, I still shed a little tear when I receive those greetings because they bring back memories of how I struggled to keep my family, my kids together.

However, I still feel that “Father’s Day” is not a single mom’s day.  Our day was last month; our day is Mother’s Day.

We can never be dads to our children no matter how we try to fill in the shoes of our estranged husband.  I also believe that it is not right to assume the post because we are not men, period.  Our children need to have a father image and this can be fulfilled through the help of other family members like uncles or even their grand dad; but not us.

Keeping this post vacant is difficult especially when the kids are young.  They will surely wonder why Father’s Day is not celebrated by your family.  When they are old enough, they will understand.  I am particularly touched by the daughter of one of my ladies.  When I asked her how she felt about Father’s Day she wisely responded, “It sucks!  At four years of age till I was 12, I always felt awkward whenever Father’s Day comes.  I felt sad that my father wasn’t with us. But now I am convinced that it is for the best.  My father walked out on my mom when I was just 2 years old because he would rather party all night than take care of me.  But over the years, the sadness and negative feelings were erased because my mom took good care of me.  I did not feel any resentment from her towards my father; she only has kind words and wisdom to offer whenever I asked about my dad.  Today, I only have gratitude, love and respect for my mom who did and is doing her best to make things work for me, to provide me with all I need be it materially and emotionally.  I know my mom is not a dad but I still choose to give her a card and flowers on Father’s Day.”

Parenting Teens Today

Parenting teens today is no easy task. I could hear my mom’s words resonate as I ponder on the best way to raise my teen. The thoughts in my mind echo the words of my mom, “During our days…”  

I realize that it is not right to compare teenagers of today to teenagers 30 years or so before.  Today’s teenagers are living in a world very much different from ours.  Parents need to understand that and must adopt their parenting style to this age and not insist on how it was during their time.  Parents should learn from their kids and the best way to learn from their teens is during meal time.

Try to eat dinner as a family at the dinner table as often as you can. Sometimes teens may prefer to eat in front of the TV or at their computer desk. Having dinner at the dinner table as a family gives your children a chance to share with you about their day. This is a good way for you to connect with your teenagers and to show interest in what they are doing.

Trust and Respect

Teaching your children the value of trust is very important.  Teach them to trust you and trust them in return. Be sure to start teaching children that they can count on you from an early age.  When they are young they will naturally trust you, but as they grow into teenagers you want them to think of you as a respected ally, not a feared dictator. It is better to get them to understand things than to demand their obedience.

As you gain your teenager’s trust and respect, you must show them that you trust and respect them in return. Do not accuse your teen.  Well, you might be right that they in fact are doing things they should not be doing.  Accusing your teenager will only make your relationship worse. Reach out through their emotions by talking to them in a nice way – soft voice, no accusations but pointing out the repercussions of their bad actions and decisions.  When they admit their mistake and resolve to never do them again, trust them. Trust them, gain their respect and build a great relationship.  This good relationship will make them avoid anything that will disappoint you.

Though you trust your teen's judgment, you still must set certain rules.  The internet can have a big influence on teenagers today. They can end up spending a lot of time on online social media and watching internet videos. It is important to regulate what your teen has access to, to ensure they are getting influenced by appropriate information. You should move the computer into a family area for more control. You will see a positive difference in your teen.

Focus on Positive Things

When raising teenagers, it may seem as if you are always focusing on the negative things they do. It is important to take some time out and praise them for some of their positive accomplishments. If all they hear is negative, it pushes them down, try some positive reinforcement; you will like the results you get from your teen.

If you have a teenager or pre-teen that is unhappy with their weight, the best thing you can do as a parent is convince them they are fine just the way they are. Many teenagers turn to eating disorders, such as bulimia and anorexia, because their parents are not supportive.

Offer Advice, Not Pressure

Although difficult, it is important for parents of college-bound students not to exert pressure on their child to attend a specific school. Sometimes teens will do the opposite of what is right when they are under stress, pressure and feel controlled.

More Survival Tips

I am listing here more tips which have helped me and I believe will be beneficial to you too.

Motivate yourself, seek out role models.
As I wrote in my latest blog, we are not alone.  In fact our number keeps increasing through the years and a lot of single moms have been very successful in their field as single parents successfully raising their kids.  President Obama was raised by his single mother.  Actress Bridget Moynahan went through her pregnancy and raised her child alone after her divorce.

Align your work with child care.
This will depend on what kind of work you have.  But as a single mom you have to find a job that will help you take care of your child.  If you have a day job, do not hesitate to tell your boss about your situation.  For instance, one of my ladies boldly asked her boss if she can do flexi-time; that is, report for work early and leave work early so she can fetch her son from the daycare center. Of course it is best if you have a work from home job or if you manage your own business.  But the tip here is to never hesitate to be open about your situation.  You will be surprised that some people will understand and have a soft heart and will be willing to help.

Let go of things you can’t control.
Women, most especially single moms, have a tendency to obsess over family management.  I guess it is because of the previous experience, we now want to have a control over all the affairs of our family.  However, there are things you can’t control like for instance your estranged husband’s responsibility to your children.  If he does not keep his promises to visit or to take your son to a baseball game, forget about it.  Do not lose sleep over his irresponsible behavior.

Cool Down
Speaking of being obsessive and losing your cool, count from one till your anger subsides.  And I am speaking not just your anger towards your estranged husband, but it could also be stress over the daily activities of being a single mom. You will be irritated over your children’s unkempt room, their brawls and a messy house; just close your eyes and walk away till you simmer down. Remember that yelling will just make a dent in your relationship with your kids.  Yelling is not the best way to release your irritation. You will regret this negative reaction later, so refrain from doing it; rather keep you cool and just walk away.

No-Kid Time
While you are cooling down, it is best that you spend your no-kid time.  Read a book, take a walk in the park, go to the parlor; anything that will relax you.  Too much of anything is bad. Schedule your no-kid time and you will increase your patience over your kids’ unruly behavior (sometimes).  You will even miss their mischief.

Laidback Approach Helps
Another way of cooling down is to sometimes adopt the laidback approach. Do not stress yourself too much on a well-kept home while taking care of your kid and keeping the money coming.  Don’t worry about unmade beds, dishes in the sink, unmopped floor.  Just ensure that you have dressed yourself and your child, had breakfast before hitting the street to work.  Just do what you can.

Learn the Art of Multi-tasking
I love playing with my kids but the mess we leave after our play can be enormous.  I found a way to extend our play and cunningly solicit their help to clean the house.  We love to sing “which of these things go together” as we put away stuff in the right places, dust, sweep and mop the floor.

Don’t Be a Daddy
Actually during the first few years of my single motherhood life, I tried to take on the daddy role as well.  Sad to say, I wasn’t successful.  I found out that I don’t have to be a daddy but I can teach my kids about the good daddy figure by seeking good father models.  Good father models are essential to helping your kids interact with a father figure.  As they mature and are able to understand better, you can explain to them the situation.  While they are still young, you can ask their uncles and even their grandfather to act as their pseudo dads.  This way they will have an interaction on how a good man should behave and act.

Don’t Be Hard on Yourself
You are doing great.  You are parenting alone - potty-training, bathing, feeding, cooking, housekeeping, nursing a sick child, earning a living, etc. You deserve a pat on the back.  Don’t mind the negative comments from other people who despise single moms.

Single Mom Tips

It is no secret… there are a number of single moms who successfully and joyfully raised their children. Some of these notable personalities who were raised by single moms are U.S. President Barak Obama; cyclist Lance Armstrong; and Hollywood personalities Halle Berry, Pierce Brosnan, Mariah Carey and Demi Moore.  How were the moms of these famous people able to brave through the waters of single parenthood, a task already profound with by two parents?

 

Following are some tips to become a successful single mom:

Be Healthy
Sometimes our busy schedule will cause us to take our health for granted.  This is the worst decision that you can make as a single mom.  Your kids need you.  You must be healthy so you can take care of your kids and provide for their needs. Being healthy doesn’t have to be luxurious.  It is not eating at expensive restaurants; rather, it is watching what you eat.  Your diet must be nutritious.  If you don’t have the time to cook, eat fruits or salad instead of ordering pizza. You need to rest.  This does not mean a regular trip to the Spa but rather at least six hours of sleep.  Let go of a messy home if you need to catch up on sleep.  Exercise does not mean going to the gym.  You can walk to the grocery instead of driving.  Put your baby on the stroller and start working those muscles to the grocery store.

Move On
Quit your denial mode, accept that you are a single mom and move on.  Stop envying friends with kind and involved husbands.  This will only result to depression, bitterness and anger.  It can also lead you to an illusion that you are better off with a partner.  This belief may result to your immediate search for a partner which can lead to another relationship problem.  Keep your focus on your present situation; keep your mind on your goal of raising successful children.

Do not be ashamed of being a single mom.  There is nothing wrong with you.  You do not have a contagious disease.  If other people cannot accept your bad past, that is their problem.  You are beautiful, intelligent and an overcomer.  Feel this and flaunt this.

Join Single Mom Organizations
You are most welcome to join our group.  Single mom groups will help you get more tips on how to be a successful single mom.  You will be able to get support when you badly need one like when you need to have someone baby sit your child. Single mom groups are source of motivation and encouragement.  If other single moms were able to make it through the single parenting storms, why can’t you. Single mom groups can be your shoulder to cry on while you are still at the hurting stage.  Single mom groups can also be your springboard to your business or income support.  Networking with these ladies will help you conceptualize and build an income stream.  Learn from these ladies not just how to be a strong single mom but learn from the different businesses they were able to build.

You too can successfully raise your kids by just following above tips which have also helped me overcome the difficulties of being a single mom.

I Choose to be Happy

I’m still in my motivation mode today as I update my blogJ.

Today, I just feel so happy and blessed.  I strive to feel this way everyday and it is possible.  You too can choose to be happy everyday.  Single moms, we’ve had enough of those dark moments. So, let us choose to be happy everyday.

This is me and I have the freedom to choose what I want to feel.  I choose happiness. Here is how I do it:

1.  I start my day right.
   The moment I wake up, I commune with my God.  I talk to Him to thank Him for the gift of another day.  I count my blessings – my life, my kids, my business, friends, house, car, etc.  I then submit to Him my day and ask for His continuous blessings.
2. I watch what I eat. 
   Did you know that there are foods that can make you sad? Some of the foods that may stimulate gloomy mood are coffee, meat and alcohol. Though coffee may be an energy booster because of its caffeine, watch out for the flipside as the caffeine subsides.  People from the East say that the sad feeling we may experience after devouring meat is due to the negative karma of killing an animal.  Modern science says that this could be the result of the damage that meat does on our insulin levels.  Alcoholic drinks though again considered as uppers lead to depression after a prolonged period of consumption. People who take alcohol when depressed will end up being addicted to alcohol and will consume more than the usual.  It may solve their problem momentarily because the alcohol will work on their brain to make them forget whatever it is that is bothering them but this feeling will not last long.  As the effect subsides they will want to drink more alcohol and become addicted, feeling more depressed than before.
3. I deal with my anger in a healthier way. 
   I take a deep breath and count till my anger subsides. I take my focus away from the person or situation that bothers me.  There may be times of prolonged angry feelings and when this happens I look for an outlet to my anger like walking in the park, updating my blogs or talking to a friend.
4. I walk away from arguments. 
   I turn my back from explosive situations.  This does not mean that I dislike confrontations.  Confrontations are necessary in resolving issues.  It’s just that when people go through a heated argument, nothing is solved.  You both walk away feeling sad and depressed. When the situation gets out of control, I just let it go.  I choose my battles and I choose to fight them on calm grounds.  I let it go at the moment but return to it once the seas are calm and when I and my “opponent” are open to logic.
5. I take a fifteen minute walk just admiring the creations of God. 
   It’s unexplainable but God’s creation has a way of calming us, making us feel happy and opens our eyes to brighter perspectives.
6. I hang out with positive people. 
   I spend time with friends whose outlook in life is good; whose positive attitude is contagious.  These friends lift me up, encourage me and help me in my challenges.  They are always available to listen and offer Godly suggestions that help solve my challenges.
7. I readily forgive those who hurt me. 
   No one is perfect; we all make mistakes, so who am  that I would refuse to grant forgiveness to those who have wronged me? I just don’t forgive other people, I also forgive myself.  I am just a human being, prone to making unwise decisions (at times).  And in times like these, I forgive myself and grant myself another chance to make things right.  I accept my flaws; I confess my errors and take another road that will correct my mistakes.
8. I’ve learned to say “no”.
   Single moms have so many things to do and it just amazes me when other people still see us as someone they could ask favor from every so often.  I used to say “yes” always – drive for a friend because she forgot to have her license renewed, pick-up groceries for a neighbor, cook for a relative, etc.  These tasks on top of my family responsibilities just add up to my stress level, exhaust me and cause me to feel unhappy.  Today, I say “no” to some of these extracurricular activities.
9. I unleash my God given talents. 
   God has gifted us with tremendous talents and  I just feel so happy and contented whenever I am able to share my thoughts and feelings to single moms in my blogs; when I offer solutions to their emotional problems during consultation schedules and when I help them with their financial needs by teaching and coaching them on the online businesses that I have personally developed.
10. I end my day right.
    I commune with my God before I hit the sack.  I talk to Him about my day, thanking Him for His blessings and guidance.  I also talk to Him about the disappointments I experienced during the day and lift up the people who may have caused these feelings.  I then put my trust in Him that He will show me the way to make things right.  After taking to God, I feel a sense of calmness, a light spirit and I feel happy.

These are the things I do to help me have a happy day, everyday. 

Hope you too will choose to have a happy day, everyday.