Motivate yourself, seek out role models.
As I wrote in my latest blog, we are not alone. In fact our number keeps increasing through the years and a lot of single moms have been very successful in their field as single parents successfully raising their kids. President Obama was raised by his single mother. Actress Bridget Moynahan went through her pregnancy and raised her child alone after her divorce.
As I wrote in my latest blog, we are not alone. In fact our number keeps increasing through the years and a lot of single moms have been very successful in their field as single parents successfully raising their kids. President Obama was raised by his single mother. Actress Bridget Moynahan went through her pregnancy and raised her child alone after her divorce.
Align your work with child care.
This will depend on what kind of work you have. But as a single mom you have to find a job that will help you take care of your child. If you have a day job, do not hesitate to tell your boss about your situation. For instance, one of my ladies boldly asked her boss if she can do flexi-time; that is, report for work early and leave work early so she can fetch her son from the daycare center. Of course it is best if you have a work from home job or if you manage your own business. But the tip here is to never hesitate to be open about your situation. You will be surprised that some people will understand and have a soft heart and will be willing to help.
This will depend on what kind of work you have. But as a single mom you have to find a job that will help you take care of your child. If you have a day job, do not hesitate to tell your boss about your situation. For instance, one of my ladies boldly asked her boss if she can do flexi-time; that is, report for work early and leave work early so she can fetch her son from the daycare center. Of course it is best if you have a work from home job or if you manage your own business. But the tip here is to never hesitate to be open about your situation. You will be surprised that some people will understand and have a soft heart and will be willing to help.
Let go of things you can’t control.
Women, most especially single moms, have a tendency to obsess over family management. I guess it is because of the previous experience, we now want to have a control over all the affairs of our family. However, there are things you can’t control like for instance your estranged husband’s responsibility to your children. If he does not keep his promises to visit or to take your son to a baseball game, forget about it. Do not lose sleep over his irresponsible behavior.
Women, most especially single moms, have a tendency to obsess over family management. I guess it is because of the previous experience, we now want to have a control over all the affairs of our family. However, there are things you can’t control like for instance your estranged husband’s responsibility to your children. If he does not keep his promises to visit or to take your son to a baseball game, forget about it. Do not lose sleep over his irresponsible behavior.
Cool Down
Speaking of being obsessive and losing your cool, count from one till your anger subsides. And I am speaking not just your anger towards your estranged husband, but it could also be stress over the daily activities of being a single mom. You will be irritated over your children’s unkempt room, their brawls and a messy house; just close your eyes and walk away till you simmer down. Remember that yelling will just make a dent in your relationship with your kids. Yelling is not the best way to release your irritation. You will regret this negative reaction later, so refrain from doing it; rather keep you cool and just walk away.
Speaking of being obsessive and losing your cool, count from one till your anger subsides. And I am speaking not just your anger towards your estranged husband, but it could also be stress over the daily activities of being a single mom. You will be irritated over your children’s unkempt room, their brawls and a messy house; just close your eyes and walk away till you simmer down. Remember that yelling will just make a dent in your relationship with your kids. Yelling is not the best way to release your irritation. You will regret this negative reaction later, so refrain from doing it; rather keep you cool and just walk away.
No-Kid Time
While you are cooling down, it is best that you spend your no-kid time. Read a book, take a walk in the park, go to the parlor; anything that will relax you. Too much of anything is bad. Schedule your no-kid time and you will increase your patience over your kids’ unruly behavior (sometimes). You will even miss their mischief.
While you are cooling down, it is best that you spend your no-kid time. Read a book, take a walk in the park, go to the parlor; anything that will relax you. Too much of anything is bad. Schedule your no-kid time and you will increase your patience over your kids’ unruly behavior (sometimes). You will even miss their mischief.
Laidback Approach Helps
Another way of cooling down is to sometimes adopt the laidback approach. Do not stress yourself too much on a well-kept home while taking care of your kid and keeping the money coming. Don’t worry about unmade beds, dishes in the sink, unmopped floor. Just ensure that you have dressed yourself and your child, had breakfast before hitting the street to work. Just do what you can.
Another way of cooling down is to sometimes adopt the laidback approach. Do not stress yourself too much on a well-kept home while taking care of your kid and keeping the money coming. Don’t worry about unmade beds, dishes in the sink, unmopped floor. Just ensure that you have dressed yourself and your child, had breakfast before hitting the street to work. Just do what you can.
Learn the Art of Multi-tasking
I love playing with my kids but the mess we leave after our play can be enormous. I found a way to extend our play and cunningly solicit their help to clean the house. We love to sing “which of these things go together” as we put away stuff in the right places, dust, sweep and mop the floor.
I love playing with my kids but the mess we leave after our play can be enormous. I found a way to extend our play and cunningly solicit their help to clean the house. We love to sing “which of these things go together” as we put away stuff in the right places, dust, sweep and mop the floor.
Don’t Be a Daddy
Actually during the first few years of my single motherhood life, I tried to take on the daddy role as well. Sad to say, I wasn’t successful. I found out that I don’t have to be a daddy but I can teach my kids about the good daddy figure by seeking good father models. Good father models are essential to helping your kids interact with a father figure. As they mature and are able to understand better, you can explain to them the situation. While they are still young, you can ask their uncles and even their grandfather to act as their pseudo dads. This way they will have an interaction on how a good man should behave and act.
Actually during the first few years of my single motherhood life, I tried to take on the daddy role as well. Sad to say, I wasn’t successful. I found out that I don’t have to be a daddy but I can teach my kids about the good daddy figure by seeking good father models. Good father models are essential to helping your kids interact with a father figure. As they mature and are able to understand better, you can explain to them the situation. While they are still young, you can ask their uncles and even their grandfather to act as their pseudo dads. This way they will have an interaction on how a good man should behave and act.
Don’t Be Hard on Yourself
You are doing great. You are parenting alone - potty-training, bathing, feeding, cooking, housekeeping, nursing a sick child, earning a living, etc. You deserve a pat on the back. Don’t mind the negative comments from other people who despise single moms.
You are doing great. You are parenting alone - potty-training, bathing, feeding, cooking, housekeeping, nursing a sick child, earning a living, etc. You deserve a pat on the back. Don’t mind the negative comments from other people who despise single moms.
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