What Matters Most

Our society is plagued with a rising number of single mothers.  Several reasons can be attributed to this rising statistics from deteriorating culture, too much freedom, irresponsible adults, etc. I don’t want to start a hate column so I choose not to discuss the reasons why this statistics is growing.  I am more concerned with the solutions but unfortunately, I cannot recommend a solution that will address this problem in our society.  What I can offer, though, is an encouragement to all the single mothers out there.  I would like to encourage you to channel your energy to what matters most.  Stop feeling guilty of your situation.

 Stop feeling guilty for not being a good provider.  A single mom is, more often than not, faced with financial problems.  She barely can provide for the needs of her children; thus, her kids will lack most of the material things that their peers enjoy.  Though these material things may be important, they are not as vital as a parent’s love which these growing kids need to mature into responsible adults. Besides, most of the material things that kids nowadays enjoy are luxury things.  Your goal should be to provide the basic needs; this is what matters most.  Just make sure that you have a heart-to-heart talk with your kids to make them understand that basic needs and your love are what matters most.

Apart from finances, a single mom is most likely to feel guilty for not having a lot of time for her children.  She feels guilty for missing school plays and her kids’ sports activities.  If we will always feel guilty and sorry for our lack of time, we will only further stress ourselves.

Instead of nourishing this guilt I suggest that you build up on what matters most.  You will always miss some activities of your children; your schedule will never allow you to attend to everything.  But you have to make it a point to talk to your kids and explain to them your situation.  However, never promise them something that you know you are not capable of keeping.  Do not promise them that you will make up and attend to their next activities.  We both know that some other tasks will prevent you from keeping this promise. Never say negative things about your ex-husband.  Just focus on the present situation and your hope of making it better.

Your kids may understand and forgive you or they may not.  What is important is that you try your very best to make them understand your situation and that you are doing your utmost to make your lives normal and happy.  Keep talking and explaining to them; this is what matters most.