Building Healthy Relationships

Relationship, in the simplest definition, is the state of being connected. As single mums, most of us could say that our connection with our previous partner was in the worst state.  But our world did not end there.  As long as we are alive, we interact and connect with people.  So, it is best to build healthy relationships to enjoy the rest of our time on planet earth.

 

I’ve gone through excruciating pain, to say the very least.  The anguish I’ve been through is indescribable but the positive side is that I’ve learned valuable lessons from this experience.  Experience is the best teacher and I continue to increase my expertise on relationship through reading of books and getting involved in the lives of people who trust me to help them improve their relationship.  I am not be a doctor in psychology but I know from firsthand experience relationship issues and have guided people to develop their relationship and prevent them from adding to the divorce statistics.

 

Relationship is like dancing with a partner.  Both of you have to work together to perform exquisitely and skillfully.  You must understand your partner’s move to respond properly.  You even need to anticipate your partner’s next steps to adjust or conform to his next move.

 

Though both party’s cooperation is essential, it is paramount that you inhibit the following characteristics to build a healthy relationship.

 

1.       Selflessness.

Selflessness is one of the most important components of a healthy relationship.  Our world is characterised by “me”, “my”, “I”, “mine” and any other derivative of “I”. We have an “entitled” attitude.  “I am entitled to my rights, my views” as we reason out and defend and even fight back.  Though we should stand up for what we believe and think is right, though we need to be assertive; we should not ignore the needs of those around us.

Think in the terms of how your action will affect the person you are to direct your action to.  Always try to put yourself in his shoes. Think selflessly before making your move.

 

2.      Forgiveness.

 One of the most difficult things to do is to forgive.  It is human nature and instinct to get back for the betrayals and hurts you’ve suffered.  The agony drives you to retaliate and hurt your opponent.  I know that it is not easy, but forgiving will benefit not just the person who hurt you but most importantly, it will benefit you.  When you whole heartedly forgive, you forget the hurt. As a result you become happy, you are able to sleep well and eat well.  Likewsie, you will be able to use your energy to more profitable tasks than wallow in anger.

 

Relationships are intricate and at one point or another, you will disappoint each other. So anticipate that you will get hurt.  Practice forgiving by starting with small things like forgiving people when they forget your important dates or anniversaries.  Forgive when family members fail to follow your household rules like putting back the cap of the toothpaste, keeping the sink clean from dirty dishes, etc.

 

3.      Do not be afraid to show your affection.

Because of what we’ve been through, it is difficult to show our emotions.  We’ve been used to hiding our emotions from our kids, friends and even from our ex that we unknowingly act uncaringly.  Such an attitude will push people away and will hinder us from building a healthy relationship.

 

The past is over, you are starting anew so embrace the present and the future; bury the past. Show your emotions – touch more, speak loving and gentle words.

 

 

Developing healthy relationships is possible even after a disastrous experience.  You just need to give yourself and those around you a chance.