Single Parenting Tips

We only want what is best for our children. From physically caring for them, financially providing for them to training and educating them on matters of life; we look for ways to better accomplish our task as single parents. I’ve been a single mum for almost two decades now.  During the course of time, I’ve spoken to a lot of single mums and have tried a couple of parenting tips from experienced single mums.  I would like to share with you my best and tested single parenting tips.

1.      You are sufficient.

You are more than enough for your children.  You are capable.  Your love for them will enable you to sufficiently care for your children – financially, physically and psychologically.  Do not doubt yourself.  Believe that you can do it.  Indeed, solo parenting is difficult but it is possible.  Lifting a heavy bucket of water on top of your head with only one arm is difficult but possible.  As you do this repeatedly, the arm that you use to lift the heavy bucket of water will become stronger.  In time, the task will not be as difficult as it was during your first few attempts.

2.      Take care of yourself.

We can take care of our children only if we are healthy – physically, mentally, and emotionally.  It is women’s nature to take care of others and we feel good when we help other people.  However, we sometimes forget that we are only human and we get exhausted too.  We also do not know how to say “no” so most of the time we are burdened with so many favors.  We need to lay low and take care of ourselves so we can take care of our children.  Do not feel guilty or selfish if at times you need to prioritise your needs over those of your children.  Sometimes, it is necessary. Remember the aircraft drill?  In case of emergency, put your oxygen mask on first before helping your child to put on his. 

3. Never wear “father’s” shoes.

You definitely will not fit in.  You can’t be two-faced in the eyes of your children.  Rather, expose your kids to responsible men in your family.  Bring them closer to their grandfather, uncles and older male cousins.  Ask their teachers and sports coaches if your kids can spend some time with them.  Ask your male friends if they can be surrogate “fathers” to your kids for a day or two. Look for male role models your kids can look up to and learn from.

4.      Use a parenting style that matches your kid’s character.

God is awesome.  We are 7 billion people, yet no two individuals are alike.  We were created uniquely.  Therefore, you should match your parenting style with your child’s character to make your parenting more effective.  Some kids are extrovert and they speak their mind.  The way we talk and train these kids should be different from the way we communicate and discipline kids who are introvert. We need to spend more time with our kids who are introvert so we get them to talk more and openly. We also need to train them to be more confident. Keep experimenting till you find the best parenting style suited to your kids. Try various methods till you find the style that best suits the intricate character of your child. 

5.      Keep growing your knowledge.

Nothing is constant in this world except change.  People change, the environment changes and the things that influence our kids change.  Single mums must be flexible and be able to adapt to changes.  Keep growing your knowledge and experience by talking to single mums, joining organisations and helping other single mums.

6.      Keep your line of communication open.

Make your children feel that you are always available for them.  They can talk to you anytime they want.  They can talk to you about anything they desire.  Your children must feel comfortable talking to you and you should train them to look forward to your “talking” date.  When I sit down on our three-seater sofa, it gives my kids the signal that our “talking” date is on. They will snuggle beside me, talk about anything under the sun and just enjoy our time together.