Happy Easter

This day reminds us that there is hope.  Jesus Christ conquered death over 2,000 years ago giving us hope for a bright and everlasting life if we believe and accept Him as our personal Lord and Savior.

While we live in this imperfect world because of us, imperfect people, we will encounter problems.  Let not these problems wear you down but make these your challenges, your springboard to achieve your dreams and goals.  Press on because the battle has been won.  Stop worrying; rather, put your energy to positive use.

Do Not Worry
At the height of the world war, Winston Churchill was working 18 hours a day.  He was asked if he worried about his responsibilities.  His answer was that he was too busy to worry.  He did not have time for worry. We cannot do two things at the same time.  If we are busy and enthusiastic about doing something exciting, we can’t feel dragged down by worry. 

Learn from your kids’ Mother Goose rhyme, “For every ailment under the sun there is a remedy or there is none.  If there is one, try to find it; if there be none, never mind it.”

Even renowned businessmen do not worry.  This is probably one of the reasons why they succeed.

When I can’t handle events, I let them handle themselves. – Henry Ford    
When I am up against a tough situation, if I can do anything about it, I do it.  If I can’t, I just forget about it.  – K.T. Keller, Chrysler Corporation

We need to steer our minds to free us from worry.  The great philosopher Marcus Aurelius said, “Our life is what our thoughts make it”.  Our mind is extremely powerful.  It has the power to make us feel what we think. If we think happy thoughts, we will be happy.  If we think of fear, we become fearful.  If we think failure thoughts, we are most likely to fail. 

I love this cheerful and constructive thinking program written by the late Sibyl F. Partridge entitled, “Just for Today”.  

1. Just for today I will be happy.  This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that “most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Happiness is from within; it is not a matter of externals.

2. Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.  I will take my family, my business, and my luck as they come and fit myself to them.

3. Just for today I will take care of my body.  I will exercise it, care for it, nourish it, not abuse it nor neglect it, so that it will be a perfect machine for my bidding.

4. Just for today I will try to strengthen my mind.  I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

5. Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways; I will do somebody a good turn and not get found out. I will do at least two things I don’t want to do, as William James suggests, just for exercise.

6. Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress as becomingly as possible, talk low, act courteously, be liberal with praise, criticize not at all, nor find fault with anything and not try to regulate nor improve anyone.

7. Just for today I will try to live through this day only, not to tackle my whole life problem at once.  I can do things for twelve hours that would appall me if I had to keep them up for a lifetime.

8. Just for today I will have a program. I will write down what I expect to do every hour. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. It will eliminate two pests, hurrying and indecision.

9. Just for today I will have a quiet half-hour all by myself and relax.  In this half-hour sometimes I will think of God, so as to get a little more perspective into my life.

10. Just for today I will be unafraid, especially I will not be afraid to be happy, to enjoy what is beautiful, to love, and to believe that those I love, love me.

Remember that there is hope.  Happy Easter.

Count Your Blessings

I just read a short story on the internet about random kindness. A furious guy was anxious to get out of the highway and rush to his convention.  As he hurriedly searched for money in his pocket to pay his toll fee, the toll booth operator said,
“There is no toll for you today, sir.”  “Don’t start with me,” he said a bit annoyed.  Just take my money, please.”
“The car in front of you paid the toll. He said to tell you it was a random act of kindness — and to have a nice day.”
“What?”
“It has never happened before. He actually gave me more than what your toll is and told me to apply any leftovers to the car behind you.”
“Really?”
“Really.” 

The pressures of life cause us to be weary and take less notice of the good things around us.  We tend to focus on our problems preventing us from having a positive frame of mind and to calm down. That random act of kindness reminded me to count my blessings and encouraged me to pay it forward.  This is the reason why I chose counting your blessings as my blog topic for today.

Pregnancy, childbirth, and raising kids solo can’t be taken lightly.  These take a toll on our health, emotions and finances.  But if we focus our eyes on the difficulty of these tasks and our responsibilities, we will live weary lives.  Today, let us count our blessings.  “The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles” is an excellent quote by William Penn.

Let me list down some of the blessings associated with being a single mom.  Some of these could be funny but true for most of us.
1.      I don’t have to consult another person every time a decision has to be made for the well-being of my child.  This means no arguing and fighting, pouting faces or deafening silence.  I can choose whatever parenting style/technique that pleases me. Now there is peace.
2.      I don’t have to share hugs and kisses.  I get all the “I love you” I want.
3.      If the house is a mess, who cares? I can leave my dishes in the sink for a week, should I choose to.
4.      I don’t have to listen to criticisms.  No one judges me or my choices.  I don’t have to debate. I can wear anything I like without anyone critiquing my fashion sense. My kids always say I am pretty whatever I wear. I can love myself. I can put on make-up, look and feel pretty. I never get teased if I don’t feel like taking a shower (at times).
5.      No one steps on my self-esteem. I have time, energy and motivation to think things through without being distracted or affected by the opinion of someone else.

6.      I have my freedom back. I can read study and watch anything on TV. I don’t have to put up with wresting, baseball, football or hours of sports reviews. I get to choose my music.  I have quiet evenings; no more snores just the sweet sound of my sleeping kids. I can have long phone conversations without anyone asking who I am speaking with.  I can have dinner at my parents place whenever I want.
7.      I have 1 less person to take care of.  I don't have to worry about balancing my time to meet the needs of a husband and kids - less laundry, no dirty laundry on the floor (except those from my kids but soon they will learn to use the laundry basket), less dirty dishes, etc.
8.      My kids and I can eat, sleep and basically do whatever we want anytime. I can now share my bed with my kids, jump up and down to our hearts delight.  I can buy and eat all the chocolates I want and I don’t have to share Ben and Jerry’s.  Me and my kids can eat anything without anyone say it is weird.
9.      I can show my kids that girls can fix things in the house.
10.  Solo parenting made me more compassionate toward other people.
11.  I can buy or not buy anything I want with my money (though it may be not as much as it was before but now it is 100% my own). I am responsible for all the money and don't have to justify anything to anyone.
12.  No worries on being cheated on; no more lies. No more jealousies except of course if my kids take special notice on other moms. 

Just a dozen blessings but I am sure there are more from other single moms out there. If you want to pay it forward, why don't you list your blessings below and uplift the spirit of single moms.

Stay Strong

Good Friday is observed in Christian communities around the world today. This day commemorates the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.  As I reflect on the sacrifice of Jesus Christ because of His love for mankind, I feel strength in my journey as a single mom.

Jesus’ sacrifice was bourne out of his love for us.  His love for us far exceeds our love for our children.  Resting on this truth kept me sane as I tried to be dad and mom to my kids.  It was very difficult to answer questions like, “Mom, who is my dad? Where is he? Why doesn’t he live with us?” No psychological explanation will appease a small child and enable him accept that his playmate has a dad to play with him and he does not.  No family therapist can take the hurt from a child not having a dad to grow up with.  More than adults, kids will keep on asking questions.  Imagine the pain both you and your kids have to endure every time this topic comes up.  The wound persists and refuses to turn to a scar.  But we need to encourage our kids to keep asking questions and soon they will understand and learn to accept the situation.  Our goal must be to help them mature and become adults who are not afraid of love and commitment.  Though our kids grow in a single parent home, they can build a functional home.

Children work on understanding your being a single mom throughout their life. At each developmental stage of your children’s life, they replay your explanation.  The explanation to a 5 year old is different from the explanation to a 10 year old and a teenager.  When talking to a toddler, keep your explanation short and simple, “Daddy is not here but I love you very much and we will always be happy”. Keep conversing with your child and be more candid as he gets older. As your children turn to teenagers, they become curious of their family history and what it means to him today.  He is concerned about himself and the effect of your family history to his future. As a teenager, you child will be exposed to comments from his peers and other people.  Clearly explain the reason of your being a single mom and should he have issues about it because of what other people say, tell him that people are entitled to their point of view.  What is important is that you are together and that you love him very much and will do everything in your power to help him go through the different stages of life.

As children grow older they will understand better and begin to comprehend the complexity of human relationships.  By the time they reach adulthood, they would truly understand your explanation and accept the fact, leave the past behind and get on with their own lives without fear.

Remember you need to face reality, answer your kids’ questions no matter how painful they may be to you and to your child.  Stay strong for your kids!