Jesus’ sacrifice was bourne out of his love for us. His love for us far exceeds our love for our
children. Resting on this truth kept me sane
as I tried to be dad and mom to my kids.
It was very difficult to answer questions like, “Mom, who is my dad?
Where is he? Why doesn’t he live with us?” No psychological explanation will appease
a small child and enable him accept that his playmate has a dad to play with
him and he does not. No family therapist
can take the hurt from a child not having a dad to grow up with. More than adults, kids will keep on asking
questions. Imagine the pain both you and
your kids have to endure every time this topic comes up. The wound persists and refuses to turn to a
scar. But we need to encourage our kids
to keep asking questions and soon they will understand and learn to accept the situation. Our goal must be to help them mature and
become adults who are not afraid of love and commitment. Though our kids grow in a single parent home,
they can build a functional home.
Children work on understanding your being a single mom throughout
their life. At each developmental stage of your children’s life, they replay
your explanation. The explanation to a 5
year old is different from the explanation to a 10 year old and a teenager. When talking to a toddler, keep your
explanation short and simple, “Daddy is not here but I love you very much and
we will always be happy”. Keep conversing with your child and be more candid as
he gets older. As your children turn to teenagers, they become curious of their
family history and what it means to him today.
He is concerned about himself and the effect of your family history to his
future. As a teenager, you child will be exposed to comments from his peers and
other people. Clearly explain the reason
of your being a single mom and should he have issues about it because of what
other people say, tell him that people are entitled to their point of
view. What is important is that you are
together and that you love him very much and will do everything in your power
to help him go through the different stages of life.
As children
grow older they will understand better and begin to comprehend the complexity
of human relationships. By the time they
reach adulthood, they would truly understand your explanation and accept the
fact, leave the past behind and get on with their own lives without fear.
Remember you need to face reality, answer your kids’ questions no
matter how painful they may be to you and to your child. Stay strong for your kids!
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