Raising Kids Alone

Raising a family is the teamwork of mom and dad.  However, there are situations when this is not possible because the dad passed away or a single-parent household is better because of unresolved differences of parents.  Though it is ideal to raise children with two parents, sometimes parents living together will just create havoc for the children; thus, it would be better if they live separately.  If the parents have problems getting along well, their children will be in an environment of constant disagreements and their kids might even witness physical fights.

Whether you lost your husband because of death or you lost him because you can no longer live amicably together, it is very important to keep your focus on the future of your family (your kids minus your husband) and not be discouraged.  In either situation, death or your better half turned into your bitter half; you can get something positive from this untoward incident in your life by changing your perspective and channeling your energy to move forward instead of whining and feeling sorry for yourself.

Refuse to entertain the idea that your children will become failures just because you will be raising them alone. Look around you and notice the support available.  It can come from your parents, family, friends and even your kids.  You just need to keep a positive outlook.

Raise Responsible Children
Do not be afraid to talk to your children about your family’s situation.  Regardless of their age, be open in discussing your set-up.  Your children will then feel more comfortable asking questions and they will be open to you about their feelings.  It is best that your children get answers from you than from other people.  You will be the best person to give them an explanation.  Your communication will also enable you to build a strong bond with your children. Teach them to accept that your family is different but that doesn’t mean that they are less fortunate than other children.  Teach them to strive harder in their studies and inculcate the value of hard work and responsibility.   Children in single-parent households usually become responsible earlier than kids in two-parent households because necessity requires them develop this trait.

Love and Respect for Others
It is important that you teach your children about love and respect for others.  No matter what has transpired between you and their dad, there was love in your relationship. Teach them the value of living at peace and in harmony with themselves as well as with other people.  Though they may not agree with the opinion of other people, they must listen and respect other people’s point of view.  Their responsibility is to listen and weigh these opinions versus their own personal thoughts without being rude, biased or immediately showing negative reactions. Actions speak louder than words; thus, you must walk your talk.  You must be in good speaking terms with your ex-husband and must respect him as their dad.

Value Life and Enjoy It
Show them that you value life and enjoy it.  To live is a blessing though life’s journey requires you to go through hills and valleys.  There will always be good times and bad times; otherwise, you will not know the difference and experience the joys of success.  Remind your kids that failures are their stepping stones to reach their goals. Keep them focused at the rainbow at the end of the storm.

When they are in the valley they must count their blessings. While in the valley, teach them to change their perspective and look at problems as challenges.  When they hit a roadblock they must look for alternative routes.  If life hits them with lemons, they must collect these and make lemonade juice. Guide your children to go through obstacles and become better persons because of the experience.

Teach them the serenity prayer – “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference”. 

Single parenting has its disadvantages but if you are in a situation that you cannot avoid being a single mom, do not be discouraged.  Change your perspective and you will reap the benefits of raising your kids alone.  Remember that you are faced not with a problem but with a challenge. Your children are not doomed just because you are a single mom.  In fact, your children will learn responsibility, love and respect at an earlier age.  They will become stronger as they face life’s struggles.  They will also learn that a positive outlook in life will bring positive outcomes.