Are You Thinking of Dating Again?

Some single moms think that they are ready to go back into the dating world.  Before jumping into the dating pond again, you must be absolutely sure of what you want and are prepared to solve issues that may arise from your decision.

Don’t Date Out of Loneliness
Examine your intentions.  Do you want to date again because you are bored or because you met someone you think would be a suitable spouse and good father to your kids?  Go on a date only if your answer is the latter. Dating will never solve your boredom or loneliness; on the contrary, it may lead to more miseries.  If you date out of loneliness or boredom, you might commit the same mistakes.  Lonely and bored people have the tendency to be carefree, weak and vulnerable.  Another heartbreak may lead to deep depression which you may have difficulty recovering from.  Instead of dating for the wrong reason, try solving loneliness and boredom by getting more involved with your kids, family, friends, joining clubs or getting into sports or develop a hobby.

Proceed with Caution
If you believe you have the right intentions; then proceed but make sure that you have taken the necessary steps to ensure that you encounter the least possible problems. Though you absolutely have the right to make your own decisions, your kids will be affected by your decision; thus, you need to discuss your plan with your kids. Make sure that you explain your reason/s and listen to their objections (if any).  Young kids have issues sharing their toys; it will be even more difficult sharing their mom with a stranger. Give them time to adjust to the situation.  They may feel awkward seeing you with another guy other than their dad.  Your children must also feel that you value their feelings and opinions and they are your foremost concern.  Spend time with them and reassure them of your love.

No Kids on First Date

Don’t take your kids with you on your first date but let your dating partner know that you have kids. Talk to him freely about your kids to assess his reaction. Spare your kids from stress and confusion by introducing them to potential step dads.  Though you may be eager to want to see the interaction between your kids and your date, resist this urge on the first date. Only if the relationship is progressing should you bring your kids on your date to assess their interaction with your dating partner.  Besides, you would want an unbiased assessment of your dating partner.  If you take your kids with you on the first date, chances are your kids will not like him or any other guy that you introduce them to; thus, you could lose interest.  Give yourself a chance to know the guy first.

Your Kids Come First
If your date is progressing to a more serious relationship, it is time to introduce your children to your dating partner.  Assess any negative interaction.  Is there resentment or hostility between them?  If hostility is coming from your kids, you must address this by finding the reason why they don’t like your dating partner.  If their only reason is fear that they might lose your love or jealousy because they will be sharing you with somebody else, then you must reassure them that your love for them will in no way diminish should you pursue marrying your dating partner. If the resentment is coming for your dating partner, then he is not the right man for you!

Don’t Settle for Anything But the Best
Your children come first.  Even if you think you have found the right guy but your children do not approve of the relationship, don’t go for it.  Give it time.  If your dating partner is really the right guy, he will understand the situation and will make ways to bridge the gap between him and your kids.  In time your kids will understand and will give in to your happiness.  Do not jump and force your decision on your kids just because you feel that it is your last chance.  Who knows, your kids might be saving you from making a wrong decision.  A hastily made decision is most likely to be a wrong decision.

Single moms, if you are thinking of going back to the dating world, think carefully, prepare and discuss your desire with the most important people in your life; your kids!